The majority of my college friends are still single-- very common for the average young adult living in the city. But here I am, living in the suburbs, married for 4 years and with a 16 month old toddler. Life is very different. I don't get invited to all of the late-night birthday parties and hang-outs (unless it's for a really close friend), which is totally understandable. I've come to accept that I am now the "mom friend" among my group of college girlfriends. Does it bother me? No, not really-- it is what it is. They don't treat me any differently though we are in totally different life stages. Actually, I kinda like hanging out with my college friends not only because they're my good friends, but it's also refreshing to not have half of the conversation be about kids or babies (although I thoroughly enjoy talking about kids and babies with other ummas).
There's a recent episode of "Up All Night" (I <3 this show) where Reagan (Christina Applegate's character) realizes that she is Ava's "mom friend," and that she's missing out on the yoga classes, impromptu Vegas trips and late-night club outings. She's no longer the go-to "cool and always available to hang-out" friend. It kind of resonated with me because it reminded me of a recent surprise birthday that I was accidentally not invited to. I remember accepting the situation as a simple mishap but I also naturally assumed that it may have been because I've become the "mom friend." Oh, that girl that lives in the suburbs and goes to bed by 10pm? Yeah, she's the "mom friend." She probably won't come out anyway.
FYI, with plenty of advanced notice (and caffeinated drinks), we WILL come out to hang out with our non-mom friends! And if you invite me to Bukhara Grill for the lunch buffet, I will try even harder to make it out! ;)
This is so true. I think it takes being extra intentional and making yourself available to keep up your friendships with people. Someone I know keeps sharing how her biggest fear about becoming a mom is losing her identity in just being a mommy and not being able to keep up her friendships at the level of intimacy she desires. As a mom of a 20-month old, I remind her that it is definitely doable to give your time to those things that are high priority. Yes, it takes a lot more effort in managing your time and even creativity if you don't have a lot of extended family nearby, but it is doable! Heck, I have attained a level of fitness in my pole dancing (used as a form of art and exercise, not as a stripper) I never reached pre-mommy. Of course, I could have never done this without the support and help of my husband. Yes, it does suck not having the level of freedom with your schedule... just takes some planning and advance notice!
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