who's the baby? : by jean

last week, i had miles try formula for the first time.  a lot of my friends encouraged me to try it out before i wean just to make sure miles will take it.  he drank it as if there was no difference!  so, i'm blessed with a non picky eater, but a part of me was like "what the heck?  can't you tell the difference?  i've been pumping my girls out non-stop for over 7 months, and you can't tell the difference??  don't you know that i'm the dairy queen who's been providing you with liquid gold??"

there was not even a flinch in his face as he downed his bottle.

who's being the baby now?  yes, its me.  i know.  but do you guys get what i mean?

i had this conversation over lunch with a friend of mine and she said her daughter gulped it down as if she was given chocolate milk.  we go out of our way to pump this liquid gold but these babies-- MY baby (i shouldn't generalize) couldn't tell the difference at all!

miles, one day you will read this and laugh. :)

miles's 7 month picture

what the DOHL!? (part 2) : by amy

Thanks to our super-speedy and talented photographer, Jea Lee (aka Tedge Lee), I can now share with you the details of Logan's dohl.  You can temporarily see all of the pictures from Logan's dohl here:

http://jealeephotographyblog.com/clients/logans-doljanchi/
password: loganchang

But here's a summary of this DIY dohl:

Logan's dohl at Stone House at Stirling Ridge (Warren, NJ)

As mentioned in Part I, we decided to have Logan's dohl at a place with super-delicious food (b/c that's always our top priority!).  We had a few meals at Stone House and really loved both the menu and ambience.  It's one of those farm-to-table types of places that happened to have a few really nice large-group venues on-site as well.  When we found out they offered a "southern comfort" buffet station, we were sold!  We did a lunch buffet with fried chicken, slammin mac n' cheese, roasted vegetables, build-your-own-mini-sliders (sirloin & tuna), sweet potato fries and a pasta station (ravioli in pomodoro & penne with prosciutto, garlic and onions).  Sadly, no pictures of the food b/c we attacked the buffet :).

Welcome display

My mother-in-law kept my husband's old hanbok (traditional Korean outfit) from his dohl and decided to "frame" it as part of the display.  As part of the "welcome display," I made a "Giving Tree" (based on the book) where people could give a word of encouragement for Logan by writing it on a leaf and hanging it on the branches.  My plan is to eventually make a little canvas painting of a tree and glue the leaves on the branches-- it would be art for his bedroom.  Since we didn't plan on hiring anyone for entertainment, I made "Big Kid Bags" to keep bigger kids busy, which included crayons, bubbles, sand art, and a home-made "coloring and games" booklet. (coloring, tic-tac-toe, mazes, sudoku).  As for seating, instead of making individual table cards, I posted names by table on an easel board (from Ikea!).

Treats bar

Since this was loosely a vintage-hot-air-balloon-not-quite-a-carnival theme, we thought it would be appropriate to have lots of treats!  We had a popcorn bar (got supplies and popcorn from Target and Garrett's, respectively) and beautiful hand-made hot air balloon sugar cookies by my old grade school acquaintance, Stella, from Pink Flour Bakery in Lawrenceville, NJ.

Centerpieces

I made all of the centerpieces for the dining tables.  Each centerpiece consisted of a large mason jar with flowers, a small mason jar with flowers, a cupcake stand with vanilla and red-velvet cupcakes (thanks to Pink Cake Box), and a bucket with a mini-bunting and table number.  I made all of the flower arrangements by getting mixed bouquets at Costco.  I made each cupcake stand by super-gluing this candle holder from Ikea to a small cake round on top and a large cake round on the bottom, making a two-tiered cupcake stand.  I wrapped the top tier with a little ribbon for an added touch.  I also made cupcake toppers which included a photo sticker of Logan (ordered from moo.com) and bought a scalloped-circle die-cutter to make my own die-cuts on cardstock.  For the mini-buntings, I cut and shaped pieces of washi tape and bakers twine, tied them to skewers, and stuck them into foam blocks.  And to finish the table off, each glass of water had a blue/green striped straw. :)

Memory Table and Dohl Table

I also made a "memory table" and the "dohl table."  We took pictures of Logan at every month, so we framed these and put them on display as a "memory table."  As for the dohl table, I was never 100% sure what this table was going to look like until the day-of mostly b/c my mother-in-law ordered all of the traditional Korean rice cakes and decorative towers, so I had no idea what to expect.  I just got some fabric from Ikea and put everything on top of it--  some flowers, his name (stands from Ikea), a pair of the most-delicious-and-beautiful-carrot cakes made by my sister-in-law and imprints of Logan's hand and foot at just 11 days completed the table.

Logan's dohljabi- He picked the pencils!

One of the traditions of the Korean dohl is for the baby to wear his/her traditional Korean outfit and pick an item that supposedly is the equivalent of picking his destiny.  Traditional items include money (wealth), pencils (scholarly), spool of thread (longevity), and a bowl of rice (never go hungry).  This was one of the few areas where I put my husband in charge of planning.  He decided to throw in a gavel (judge), a stethoscope (doctor), a Michigan hat (his alma mater) and a Penn hat (my alma mater).  Logan took forever to choose something but ended up choosing the pencils (though I did hold them up in front of his face just to get him to choose anything!) and then soon after, chose the stethscope.  Meh.  I was kind of hoping for the bowl of rice.

DIY hot air balloon photo booth

Lastly, I made a hot air balloon photobooth, inspired by this blog post.  This was probably one of my most favorite projects of the dohl.  It took me 3 times to get it right (inflating a 36-inch balloon is tougher than you think!) but it was totally worth it!  I made a mini bunting out of blue and red paint chips-- YES, like the ones you get from the paint department at Home Depot.  They not only have EVERY color, but they're also 100% FREE! :)  Just cut them into the shapes you want, punch a few holes, and run a string through them!  Voila!  Practically-free (and cute) decoration!  As for the rest of the hot air balloon, I pretty much followed the directions of the aforementioned blog post, and it came out great.  Logan kept blinking b/c of the flash, hence the one picture of him with his eyes closed so tight!  We got a ton of cute pictures of all of the kids, but above is just a small sample.  Bottom row, center pic is a picture with Logan and Miles' families!

So, that's it!  I got all of the frames, decorative boxes, vases and table cloths from Ikea.  The table cloths were actually just pieces of fabric (you pay by the yard), so I will probably save these for future parties or eventually turn them into something (curtains?  cushion covers?).  My house is now cleared of dohl stuff, which I am very happy about.  It was a lot of fun work, so I feel pretty satisfied.  It was a bit wedding-esque b/c of the planning, but once everything was set up, we got to enjoy ourselves, chat with friends, and eat a lot.  Most importantly, Logan had a great time at the party (no melt down!) even though he had no idea it was for him :).

P.S.: I just wanted to give a huge, huge shout to my husband, Ellie, Pacci, Reshma, Julie, Marcus and Danny.  Without their help, the party wouldn't have run so smoothly (before, during and after!) and I would've been a total stress-ball :).

pureeing! : by jean

ever since miles started eating solids around 6 months, i was inspired by amys' baby menu post to make my own baby food.  since miles only just started, it's nowhere as complex as amy's menu yet since i just have to mash up or puree different fruits and vegetables for him for now.

one of our avid readers, sk, recommended wholesome baby food to me a while back.  it's a great resource  to know which foods i can start introducing to him now and which i have to wait until a little later.

so far he's had:
rice cereal
bananas
avocados
pears
apples
peaches
carrots
peas
butternut squash

in the very beginning, i went through the traditional route and started him with rice cereal mixed with some breastmilk.  then, i started with bananas and avocados with and without rice cereal since they were easy enough to have around and mush when needed.  in the beginning, i always added a little bit of breastmilk so it wouldn't be too thick for miles.  once i started introducing him to pears and apples, i didn't need to add breastmilk since they were already very watery.  once i moved onto peaches, carrots, peas, and butternut squash, i had to either steam, boil, or roast and then puree.

i also look at ella's kitchen and earth's best websites to get ideas on what combos work well together.  for example, on ella's kitchen, they had a pouch for butternut squash+carrots+apples+prunes (who knew that would be a good combo!).  since those are all the foods miles already had, i made my own and mixed those ingredients together-- it tasted pretty good!  when in doubt, try it yourself.  if you think it's gross, your baby may think that as well. :)

on a side note, my doctor was a big advocate of going straight into fruits and veggies.  she said although rice cereal is a good way to start introducing babies to food, it's sort of "fluff" because it is not a complex carbohydrate and not as nutritious as it claims to be.  many moms like giving rice cereal because it's easy and iron fortified.  my doctor said that be a concern since babies are already getting enough iron from breastmilk or formula.

also, when i asked her about waiting 3-4 days to introduce new foods, she said if babies were going to have a reaction, it wouldn't take 3-4 days-- it would happen right away.  and the worst thing that can happen is for them to get some hives.  i had given miles peaches which he LOVED but a couple hours after he had them, he got a reaction around his face!  so now i'm going to wait a couple more weeks until i give him some again.

miles's reaction to peaches

so far, it's been a fun experience giving him different types of food and seeing his reaction.  i'm sure it'll be a little bit more work once he's ready to eat things from amy's baby menu, but until then, it's been fairly easy and i haven't used any jarred baby food yet!

what are some experiences you had when you first introduced real food to your baby??

what the DOHL!? (part 1): by amy

Last night, as I wearily crawled into bed and comfortably rested my head on my pillow, I sighed.

I feel like I just got married.

But, I didn't get married.

It was just my son's first birthday party.  What the dohl!?

Logan's birthday is coming up this Friday (8/24), but we held his dohl (Korean 1st birthday party) this past weekend at Stone House at Stirling Ridge.  It's a restaurant/venue that the husband and I enjoyed and thought it would be a great place to hold a dohl.  The Korean 1st birthday party is kind of a big deal.  It's probably the kid's 2nd largest party next to his wedding.  We figured we'd invite everyone who joined us for the baby shower, since they were the ones who got to see Logan grow over the past year.  Somehow we ended up with 137 of our closest friends and family....and friends of family.  "Friends of family" = $$ for Logan's college fund (and my our future iPad).  So, I guess I couldn't really argue with that! :)

I decided to save money by making everything myself-- centerpieces, display/dohl tables, a "Giving Tree," a popcorn bar, "Big Kid Bags," a slideshow, and a hot-air-balloon-photobooth.  Unfortunately, I don't have many pictures of these just yet, but will post them later for the part II entry.  But the theme was loosely a vintage hot air balloon-type of theme.  I got my inspiration from this etsy store and by perusing my favorite party-planning site, hostess with the mostess.

My ridiculously talented sister-in-law made not one, but TWO gorgeous birthday cakes for Logan:

Carrot cake!

Mini Carrot Cake

These cakes were not intended to be consumed by the party guests; however, they were inadvertently sliced up and somehow served to all of our guests!  It was like the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish that fed the 5,000.  OK, maybe not quite that extreme, but you get the idea.  We also ordered cupcakes from Pink Cake Box in lieu of a big birthday cake:

Vanilla and Red Velvet Cupcakes

To add to the sugar-rush, my old acquaintance from grade school (who I reunited with after 16 years thanks to Facebook!) started a bakery called Pink Flour Bakery in Lawrenceville, NJ, and created these beautiful sugar cookies to go with the hot air balloon theme:

So, after 5 trips to Michael's, 3 trips to Ikea, 2 trips to Target, 1 trip to Home Depot, 1 trip to Costco, I-forget-how-many Etsy orders, and 4 months of crafting from 7-10pm every night, Logan's DIY dohl was complete.  I had to admit that I did find pleasure in working on this project.  It was a nice way to release my creative juices after doing my day job and mommy duties each day.  Husband already wants me to start thinking about baby #2's dohl to make sure I put the same amount of time and effort to his/her party as the first-born's!  (He is a 2nd-born...and no, I am not pregnant).

Will post more about the planning in part II!

to be free : by jean

it's been about a month since i went back to working everyday, and i decreased my pumping times to only twice a day.  it's been GREAT only having to pump in the morning and at night.  now i'm thinking of trying to decrease it even more to only ONE pump a day.  freedom is right around the corner, i can just taste it!

i know i'm so fortunate for being a dairy queen  and being able to easily pump out 40 oz a day.  even now with 2 pumps, i get about 10-12oz per pumping session, so total, about 20-24 oz a day.  because i still have a good amount in the freezer, miles has plenty to drink from even if i stop pumping soon.

we are planning to go on a trip to Korea in october and i want to be selfish and not bring a pump and avoid dealing with all that there.  is that awful of me?  if we didn't have that trip planned, i may have been more open to pumping until miles was ready to transition into cow's milk.  i want to give him breastmilk until he starts drinking cow's milk, but i want to be free from the pump.  i've been exclusively pumping for almost 7 months and i just want to be done.  i'm so tired of getting my girls squeezed every single day, wearing a nursing pad in this heat and dealing with boob sweat!  gosh that sounds so awful, especially when you write it out like that!  my doctor says it's really up to me if i want to stop pumping and start giving him formula.  miles had breastmilk exclusively for almost 7 months and now that he's started to eat solids, soon his milk intake will decrease.  so i'm wondering if i just start pumping once a day for the next few weeks to slowly wean myself off and then once my frozen supply runs out, start him on formula.  he'll only be on formula for a few months before transitioning into cow's milk.

on top of that, am i gonna gain weight?  i sound so shallow, but i lost an extra 8 pounds on top of my pregnancy weight.  i would LOVE to stay where i'm at.  my friend told me that producing 1 oz of breastmilk burns about 26 calories.  that means every time i pumped out 40 oz a day, my girls helped me burn 1,040 calories!!  if i stop pumping, does this mean i'll actually  have to work out to keep the weight off??

on a sidenote, did you know that to help reduce milk production, you can drink shik hae (Korean sweet rice drink)?

sikhye (also spelled shikhye or shikeh; also occasionally termed dansul or gamju) is a traditional sweet Korean rice beverage, usually served as a dessert. In addition to its liquid ingredients, sikhye contains grains of cooked rice and in some cases pine nuts. (wikipedia)

mama lee (my mom) told me this and it seems to be a known fact among older Korean moms.  i told amy about it when she was weaning, so she drank one can a day and also put cabbage leaves on her girls (amy: I went to bed with a cabbage bar in my boobs!).  it seemed to work.  right amy?  (amy: Yup, it did!  Weaning took overall 1-2 weeks and wasn't all too painful.  Thank you, Sikhye!).

so i want to start drinking shik hae soon.  just to be clear...do i think formula is bad?  absolutely not.  do i think breastmilk is better?  absolutely yes!  i'm not one to think that formula is in any way bad for babies.  plenty of kids grow up only drinking formula.  if there were no pumps, miles may only have been fed formula since he never latched on.

clearly i'm a bit torn.  i know what i WANT to do, but i sort of feel guilty wanting to stop when i'm blessed with so much liquid gold.

when did you stop pumping or breastfeeding?  what are some methods you used to wean?

on weaning, did you know that if you stop too suddenly, that you can fall into depression?  i read about it in a cup of jo...one of my favorite blogs!

cdh

my friend eunice gave birth to her son, timoteo on wednesday 8/8 at 6:57am. the doctors successfully intubated him, and he is stable. timoteo is diagnosed with CDH.  Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) is a condition in which a hole in the diaphragm allows abdominal organs to move into the chest and restrict lung development. Congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) is a birth defect that occurs in about one in every 2,500 live births.

i'm dedicating this post to eunice and her story so we can bring awareness to this condition and to also keep eunice and timoteo in our thoughts and prayers as timoteo goes through treatment.

When did you first find out about Timoteo's condition?
What are the different types of tests that you took?
What was going through your mind your doctor mentioned termination?

I was seeing an OBGYN who didn't have ultrasound technologies at her office so at my very first ultrasound appointment at 12 weeks, I was excited to finally see the baby for the first time and perhaps even find out the gender.  No one told me that this would be my "first trimester screen," which is supposed to be optional (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/firstscreen.html).  The sonographer was very quiet the entire time and kept focusing on a couple views of the baby that I couldn't decipher.  Something in my gut told me something was wrong, but I told myself that she was just not supposed to say anything and perhaps she was tired and not wanting to be talkative.  Unfortunately, when the doctor came in with a student to examine the screenshots, my heart sank more.  I really didn't want to feel like a scientific specimen they were examining, but I did.  Three people looking at a computer screen and whispering about me didn't feel so great. Finally, after what felt like hours, the doctor sat down and told me she had two concerns.  One was that the baby's nuchal fold measured in the thicker range, which could indicate that my baby had Down Syndrome and the other was the the stomach didn't seem to be in the right place.  I wasn't expecting to be screened for these things and didn't really know what it all meant so my heart started racing and my mind was reeling.  They suggested I consider getting a CVS - chorionic villus sampling (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/cvs.html)

to rule out chromosomal abnormalities - which is like an amniocentesis but done earlier.  It was all too much information then so I decided to wait.  They scheduled me for a follow up appointment in two weeks.  In those two weeks, I did all the research one could do on Down Syndrome and went through the emotional roller coaster of thinking of that possibility.  My OBGYN called me later after speaking with sonographers and suggested termination.  I didn't think much of her offer because she said she was "supposed" to offer that option.  But she said to think about it now because it's easier rather than later since in NYC I have that option up to something like 22 weeks.  It was all too much information and too much to think about.

At my 14 week appointment, it was all the same scary silence from the sonographers.  This time the doctor pulled me into her office and explained that they were even more sure now that the stomach was in the chest cavity, which could only indicate one of two things - congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) or something incredibly rare where all the organs were just flipped around.  Whatever it was, she said that my baby had a chance to live but if there were any other chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome, the chances of survival diminish considerably.  I was emotionally shaken up and had dreaded to hear exactly what she said for two weeks.  Something came over me, though and right then and there I decided to go ahead and get a CVS.  If there was a 50% chance my child would live, I could fight for him.  If there was a 1% chance, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.  

The CVS was one of the most scary experiences I'd ever been through.  Perhaps the thoughts in my head were, "I have to be strong through this to know what I'll be facing with this baby and be better prepared for him."  They inserted an extremely large needle into my abdomen.  Watching the ultrasound screen, we were able to see the needle and she extracted some chorionic villus from the edge of the placenta.  It took quite a few people to perform this and I was squeezing Peter's hand through it all.  Several days later, they were able to tell me that the baby did not have Down Syndrome or two other major chromosomal abnormalities but they asked for my permission for them to examine the baby's DNA closer with a microarray.  At that point, I had had enough and I said all I wanted to know was that he didn't have a 1% chance.  

A few days later I met with my OBGYN, who again offered termination.  That's when she laid out her perspective - something about believing in delivering healthy babies.  She said something about me being young and that I could always have another one that probably won't have CDH since the CVS showed that the baby was actually negative for other chromosomal abnormalities.  To be honest, I was confused and weak.  My husband was the one that firmly planted his feet and said, "This is our baby no matter what."  I asked her if she had any prior experience with CDH.  I'm forgetting now but I just remember that one of her patients terminated and another delivered but did not make it.  In retrospect, I realize she really gave no real facts about CDH -- I had to learn ALL that I know about CDH through Internet research.  Even though she herself said that the two best hospitals I could consider for this baby were Columbia Presbyterian (CHONY) and CHOP, she suggested I go in for one more ultrasound by the "most famous sonographer in NYC."  We had a trip to California planned, in part, to celebrate my pregnancy as I was just approaching the mark where I was "in the clear" and able to share with friends and family I was pregnant.  I wasn't feeling too excited to share anymore at that point.

When I returned to New York, I had an appointment with that "most famous sonographer in NYC" at NYU.  To be honest, I just felt like my OBGYN was referring me to her network of colleagues.  In the end, that sonographer didn't tell me anything new and then proceeded to tell me that I had the option of termination.  This is the third doctor I'm hearing that option from.  But what about the option of trying to give my baby a chance?  He proceeded to tell me that NYU had the really good treatment for babies with CDH.  I really didn't need to hear a sales pitch.  I left thinking that appointment was a waste of my time and emotions and called my OBGYN and asked to refer me to CHONY as soon as possible.  In the end, I realized all I needed to do was call the hospital myself and schedule an appointment.  Also, I had met some moms on babycenter.com's CDH discussion group and one was able to give me her firsthand experience as a mother and the name and number of who I could speak to.  This was more help in the direction of saving my baby than I had had from anyone thus far.

How did you decide which hospital to go to?

After researching all the area hospitals online, I decided to visit both CHONY and CHOP to compare both options. It seemed that the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) had a huge web presence.  Every time I googled "CDH," the first links that would come up were from that hospital.   Going to CHOP would require me to relocate to the Philadelphia area a month before giving birth at the Ronald McDonald House there.  This was an ironic thought as I used to volunteer with my church at the NYC Ronald McDonald House.   However, one particular NYC mom on the babycenter discussion group I was following, sent me a message directly saying, there was no need to go to Philadelphia and that her daughter, a healthy beautiful girl received the best treatment at CHONY, Columbia Presybterian Children's Hospital.  They are the only hospital in the tri-state area that has an ECMO machine that my baby may need.  We visited both and were impressed by both.  The evaluation process was pretty excruciating though, as these hospitals won't share records and prefer to do their own screening.  I had to get a MRI scan done and all the other ultrasounds, etc. that were involved twice.  Both hospitals had very similar things to tell us but at CHOP, they were much more scientific about their calculation for survival rate, using a formula.  They gave my baby 30-50% chance of survival.  At CHONY, they didn't give me a survival rate.  Instead, they just told me that they had a 90% success rate with CDH babies, barring any other abnormalities.

As I researched the doctors at CHONY, I read about Dr. Wung in pulmonology and Dr. Stolar, the surgeon.  Together, they were able to adapt their methods to have higher survival rates in their babies.  They wait a few days for the baby to stabilize before surgery and when trying to ventilate the lungs, they employ a "gentle ventilation" system, which give the baby just enough oxygen, encouraging him to exercise and breathe more on his own. This really struck me as making sense.  Reading on, I realize all hospitals, including CHOP employ these techniques.  Although these doctors don't perform the operations themselves, they trained and oversee the doctors at CHONY now.  In the end, we decided to stay in NYC.  The doctors were great, they have a lot of experience with CDH, our community is here to support us and ultimately, the Lord's will be done no matter what.  

As a side note, although our trip to CHOP was long and excruciating, at the end of our visit we met a couple who had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl and were in the recovery process in the NICU.  I had actually read her blog before and was amazed to actually see her there.  Her story was inspiring to me and I really think the whole purpose for going to Philly for that evaluation was to meet them and be inspired.

How has your pregnancy been so far? 

Overall, my pregnancy has been healthy and uneventful.  I see an Maternal Fetal Medicine OB at CHONY, simply because of the sensitivity of the baby's condition.  But my new OB always makes me feel like I'm an A+ student at being pregnant.  Now I just have to get to labor and delivery.

Can you tell us what will happen once Timoteo is born? 

I try to keep an open mind, knowing that there's precedence and then what actually happens.  Precedence tells us that as soon as Timoteo is born, he will be whisked away to the transitional nursery. Depending on how he's doing in that moment he takes his first breath, I may get to kiss him and Peter may be able to snap a picture, but this is not guaranteed.  He will need to get to the transitional nursery asap where they will immediately intubate him for oxygen because he will have trouble using his lungs to breathe and they will insert an naso-gastric (NG) tube to release any air and administer medication to sedate the baby. They'll conduct the apgar test, take x-rays of his lungs and heart, have an echocardiogram done directly on his chest and probably much much more.  They may have resuscitate him if he stops breathing.  I won't know the details of what will happen in those moments but all we know is they, including Timoteo himself, will fight to save his life.  

Once he's stable, they'll transition him to the NICU - neonatal intensive care unit.  Peter may be able to see him in the transitional nursery or in the NICU and take some pictures and bring them back to me while I recover in labor and delivery.  They will watch him closely these first few days and depending on how he's doing, they'll either administer more medications and machines to stabilize him, or they will move to the next step which is surgery to move his organs down and patch his diaphragm.  Once he makes it through the surgery, they will monitor his lungs and breathing, and anything else he may be struggling with.  The final step is being able to teach him to drink milk orally, as up until that point, which could be many months, he will have been fed through a tube.

How does this experience change your view on doctors and all the tests and screenings that were recommended you take?

Overall, doctors are in the business for the same reason, to help you and your child.  But I've found a couple interesting things through this process.  I'm Korean American and going to my local OBGYN and the ultrasound technicians who didn't seem to have much experience with my race/ethnicity was actually felt.  Some recommendations that were given didn't make the most sense to me.  Also, I wish I knew what was being screened for prior to walking into an ultrasound room where I was completely oblivious. I was given very little information about my baby's condition, especially as my original doctors didn't know much about CDH themselves.  That's when I realized you have to be your own best advocate, find others who do know - even if that means joining online chat and support groups.  If you're confused, ask questions until you understand.  In the beginning, I assumed doctors would tell me so I'd understand, but when I didn't get satisfactory answers, I realized I had to dig.  Finally, my first OBGYN had great reviews online, and since I didn't know where to start I went to her.  There was something in my gut that just didn't vibe with her.  I probably would have delivered with her if it weren't for the CDH diagnosis.  She was a great OBGYN and is so to hundreds of people.  But just not for me - especially after finding out her real position on termination.  There were no regrets about this process though.  The struggle and the ups and downs were all part of the process the learning and has brought me to where I am now.

Does this change your desire to have more children in the future?

Not at all.  

How has your perspective on being a mother changed through all of this?

I always knew being a mother meant sacrifice and I actually always wanted to be a mother. I loved children since I was a child myself! But this experience has completely changed my perspective. Being a mother is not about learning from the past and applying it to make a perfect child. Being a mother means being totally dependent on the Lord who knows all things. My ideas of making sure my son learned to play the piano, or give to the poor or speak 100 languages are out the window. I will be thankful for having a child as a true gift from God and I will simply dedicate him to honoring the One who created us all.

UPDATE!

timoteo seunglee baek 

timoteo is 8lbs 1oz and 20 inches long.  the doctors are doing lots of tests and checking his progress to schedule is surgery to repair his CDH soon. eunice started a blog to share her story and peter has been constantly updated the blog so everyone can follow timoteo's progress.

check it out here!

please keep the baek family in your thoughts and prayers.

Mayor Bloomberg is saying "no" to formula: by amy

I first want to say that today is Sunday, August 5, 2012, and my son walked his first real steps by himself!  The smile on his face said it all-- he looked so happy and proud of himself as he walked into my arms.  It also must be (hopefully) coincidental that today his behavior is just completely OFF.  We learned he has a temper (must come from his father, heh), is chock full of energy and right now, as I write this, is screaming in his crib.  Husband and I already went in twice, and we drew the line.  It's now CIO time.  I forgot how awful this felt.  Also not looking forward to cleaning the dried snot off of his face tomorrow morning...10 minutes and counting...

OK so what am I really writing about tonight?  This article.

 

Mayor Bloomberg is implementing a program in NYC hospitals (which is voluntary, btw) whereby hospitals keep formula out of sight from new mothers to help encourage them to breastfeed.  If mothers insist on formula, the nurses need to 1) sign out the locked up formula, and 2) give a speech to the new mom about why breast is best.  Kinda like when you're at Bloomingdales and the lady asks if you'd like a free cup of Nespresso coffee, and you have to stand there and listen to her schpeel about why Nespresso kicks Keurig's ass (this is jean, it really does!).  Imagine that, but add raging post-labor hormones, exhaustion, frustration and perhaps humiliation to the picture.  Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

[btw, 15 minutes, and the baby is finally sleeping.  *PHEW*]

I gotta give it to Mayor Bloomberg-- he's just looking out for the greater welfare of his fellow New Yorkers.  First, he targeted the obese New Yorkers by cutting down the soda in-take, and now (of all people), he's targeting new mothers and NYC's newborns.

As many of you ummas know, when you go to the pediatrician, your OBGYN and the hospital, they all offer free gift bags, often in forms of baby-stuff-organizers which also include coupons and free samples of formula.  Free baby food?  Sure!  Yes, all of my doctors, nurses (and my mom, who is a labor and delivery nurse), the posters on the walls of the offices and hospitals, my instructor in my childbirthing class, and all hundreds of books and online articles that I read reminded me that "breast is best."  I had full intention to breastfeed, but I also heard about how difficult it could be and how some women had little to zero supply, so I managed my expectations.  It took some time for my milk to come in, and hence, took some time for Logan to latch on.  During our 2nd night at the hospital, Logan was SCREAMING while hardly anything came out of my breast-- just a few precious drops of colostrum.  He was also tearing up my girls (literally) so he would cry out of frustration and I would cry out of pain.  Poor husband felt so helpless watching the two of us.  That night, we asked the nurse to give him just a little bit of formula since nothing seemed to appease him.  I was so scared he would get nipple confusion but after just a few sucks of formula, he was happily dozing off, and we felt it was the best decision at the time.  As we were discharged, the nurse offered us a big pack of formula which we accepted, and we were on our way home.

Conveniently, Hurricane Irene hit during our first night home with Logan.  I breastfed Logan in the dark with candles.  We woke up to feed him about every 2 hours.  I didn't dread coming to him when he cried/woke up-- I dreaded his mouth attempting to latch on to my already torn up girls.  My milk clearly hadn't come in yet, he wasn't latching on, and my girls were torn up and bleeding.  So, I decided to attempt to nurse him for as long as I could take it (and he could drink the colostrum which was the good stuff), and then the husband would "top him off" with a few CCs of formula via a plastic syringe (given to us by the pediatrician at the hospital) to avoid nipple confusion.  While the husband fed him, I pumped to try to stimulate my milk production.  At the next feeding, I would attempt to nurse, then we would feed him whatever I pumped from the last feeding and a few CCs of formula.  At one point, my girls were REALLY torn and needed a break in between feedings to heal, so then I would just pump, and the husband would just feed whatever I pumped.  Once my milk came in and Logan properly latched on (no more torn girls!), my mom realized it was still a pretty low supply (I was no dairy queen like Jean!), so she encouraged me to supplement just a little with formula.  Then at one point, I exclusively nursed for awhile, alternating sides.  As Logan got bigger, I started supplementing again b/c I would nurse for a total of 90-120 minutes per session before he seemed to really stop.   I felt like my body never had time to fully replenish the supply.  I took lots of supplement to try to boost my supply, but in the end, I was just thankful that I was able to offer Logan some breast milk on a daily basis.

Logan's pediatrician encouraged me to exclusively breastfeed but was totally OK (and encouraging) when I decided to stick with supplementing.  I think Mayor Bloomberg's proposal is great.   NYU Langone Medical Center, which has already restricted access to formula, has seen its breast-feeding rate increase from 39% to 68% by doing so.  But, while every mom is different and needs encouragement along the way, no mom should feel guilty if she chooses to give formula to her baby.  Circumstances will arise when formula is a necessity, and I don't think hospitals should give moms a hard time if they request formula.  I wonder what the lecture sounds like.  Probably something like, "Breast feeding is great b/c of XYZ and provides XYZ for your baby.  Are you sure you want you and your child to miss out on this?  Please sign here indicating that you DON'T want to give your baby what's best for her.  Don't say we didn't tell you so..."

I'm sure they phrase it a little bit better. :)

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this program?

tailoring your nursing pad : by jean

ever since i had miles, i've been using lansinoh's disposable nursing pads.  for the longest time, it didn't make sense to get a reusable one since i would usually leak a good amount (especially when it was closer to my pump time),  and if you've been following our blog, you know i am THE dairy queen!

i only pump twice a day now.  i get about 12 oz. each time i pump,  so that's about 24 oz. per day-- not bad coming from pumping over 40 oz. daily!!  i think my body is finally starting to slow down so i'm not leaking as much and my boobs don't get as full as they used to.  there have been days when i would wake up and my nursing pad is completely dry.  i was feeling a little guilty about not being so green so i ordered a pack of TL Care 6 Pack Organic Cotton Pads.  the cotton felt nice but the problem was that they were completely flat.  the lansinoh nursing pad had a bit of a curve which was great because you didn't see any lumpy-ness when wearing it under your bra.  these reusable ones were not the case.  after much pondering, i decided to tailor my nursing pads. 

i cut two small triangles off of each side of the pad and sewed them back together.  you should sew them like straight lines going across-- not sure what the proper sewing terminology is.  now you have a pad that has a nice curve so it doesn't give your boobs lumps when you wear it.  voila!