the big change / day care : by amy

2013 is a year of big changes for Logan.  This will be the first of three in "the big change" series.  First up: change in care providers!

Since Logan was 5 months old, he had been going to a home care provider sponsored by Monday Morning.  We had a wonderful experience.  He was one of five kids in the house (ages newborn - 3 years old) and lovingly cared for by a woman named Bina.  She gave him his own room to sleep in, cooked all of his meals (once he was off BM/formula/purees) and received a lot of personal attention.  He was comfortable being around babies and older kids.  The older kids helped out a lot and "cared" for the babies (sort of Montessori-like).  But this comfy atmosphere ended last week when we put him in commercial day care.  My primary reason for changing care providers was to prepare for my maternity leave.  Bina's house is close to my office, which is 45 min. from my house, and there was no way I was going to shuttle him back and forth that distance while on maternity leave, so I needed to find something closer to home.  My second reason for changing it up was because I thought he was ready for a more social/structured type of experience.

Preparing for his first day was like preparing for a first day of school-- a ton of forms, labelling EVERYTHING, contemplating what to make for his snacks/lunch, and loads of anxiety!  (parental anxiety, not Logan).  The night before his first day, my husband and I checked on Logan as he slept like we always do.  As I watched him sleep so peacefully, I thought to myself Logan, rest well, my love!  Tomorrow's a big day of change...  Then, we prayed for him...and I cried.  Yup, tears of anxiety and apprehension.  He'll be OK, right?? I asked my husband.  Of course, he will be!  It'll just take some time...he will have to get used to change.  This wasn't even real school yet, and I was already crying!  I was just so anxious on his behalf.  We did a few visits to the school so he could familiarize himself with the rooms and teachers, but he really had no idea what was going to happen.

The morning drop-off was...quick.  He was eating his breakfast at the table when I left, and there were no tears...for the first 2 minutes.  I was doing security finger-printing at the front desk when I heard him WAILING from down the hall.  My heart sank, but I knew I couldn't go back.  I SPED to work so I could register and log-on to the day care's streaming camera system, and this is what I saw:

That's Logan on the right in the yellow shirt.  He wasn't wearing a yellow shirt when I dropped him off; he was wearing a blue one.  Turns out, he cried so hard that he threw up. :(  (and that's why they ask you to bring 3 changes of clothes!).  This was him during lunch time:

Don't worry-- he didn't throw up again.  The Ladybug class wears giant red t-shirts before they eat, so they can get as dirty as they want and then throw those shirts in the washing machine, which is nice so Logan is pretty clean when the day is over.  Anyway, aside from the morning throw-up, his first day went OK.

Fortunately, Logan is adjusting really well to day care.  He still cries when I drop him off, but according to my husband (who is already logged in and watching the cameras as I'm dropping him off), he only cries for a minute or so and then is happy for the rest of the day.  We can see him having fun, participating in circle-time, listening to the teacher read, and even napping in his cot (which is completely foreign to all of us).  It also helps that our neighbor is the school nurse, so she pops in a few times a day to check on him, and he can see a familiar face.

While things are going well at school, his behavior at home changed dramatically during the first week.  Some of it was probably related to him getting a fever (I actually don't think he got it from day care b/c it came too soon-- pretty sure he got it during the weekend), but he became extra clingy, temperamental/demanding and started to hate baths.  The bath aversion really puzzled me.  Turns out that it's a very common thing for 2-year olds and is just phase.  So far this week, the temperamental/demanding behavior has cooled off a bit, but he's still been clingy and hating bath time.  So, I decided to deck out the bath tub:

(Thanks, Yoonha for the heads up on bath crayons!)  He was still pretty whiney during bath time, but the new toys definitely helped.  I'm just hoping this phase passes quickly!

So, the whole family survived the first 2 weeks of day care...onto the next big change: the big boy bed!  I'm hoping it won't be too bad of a transition since he's already now sleeping on a cot in day care... we shall see!

Sleep Regression : by jean

In my last post, I vented about how my sleep champion had turned into a sleep nightmare: he started waking up in the middle of the night and all of a sudden forgot how to sleep on his own.  Read more about it here.

I don't do well when I don't get my beauty sleep.  But I was very encouraged when my friend called me as soon as I published my last post and told me about this 18-19 month sleep regression.

So I did some research, and it's a real thing!  We don't necessarily have to blame it on teething all the time, although that's not completely out of the picture.  Sleep regression is sort of a developmental stage.  They are becoming more aware of what's going on and often have separation anxiety.  They are also becoming more independent and opinionated which often results in not wanting to go to sleep when you (the parent) want them to.

I remember one night, I was doing my normal bedtime ritual with Miles: brush his teeth, find his hippo (thanks Mira!), let him turn off the light, pray, say goodnight, and put him down in his crib.  As soon as we turned off the light and got ready to pray, he screamed, "No, No!" and started shaking his head and got very upset.  He KNEW what was going to happen next...and didn't want it to happen.

The good news is that this is all temporary.  We didn't do anything wrong, and it will eventually pass (at least that's what my research tells me).  It can take 2-6 weeks for babies to get past this.  AND, you don't have to re-sleep train them-- they already know the drill but are just going through a phase. They say to make efforts to comfort them more during this phase to help them get through it.

Before Miles started his sleep regression phase, we would put Miles down after our bedtime ritual and just walk out of the room.  He would usually lay down and go to sleep pretty easily with maybe a couple cries here and there.  These days, we've been staying in the room with him until he's almost completely asleep.  He'll occasionally look up to make sure one of us is still there.  That's been helping a bit, allowing him to fall asleep at a decent time, and he hasn't been waking up in the middle of the night.  It's been about 3 weeks of the sleep regression phase so far.  Let's hope he passes this phase REAL soon.

Re-sleep train?? : by Jean

It's been a week since all sleep training has gone out the door.  I don't know if it's a coincidence with my mom visiting for a few weeks, or teething, but Miles has not gone down to sleep at night without one of us laying down with him in our bed and transferring him to his crib.  Not only that, he's woken up in the middle of the night screaming, which results in us again having to bring him to our bed and then eventually transferring him back to his.

What the #%$#!???

Miles is now almost 17 months and it has never gotten this bad for this long since we first started sleep training him (read about my story here and Amy's here.) Yes, I'm tattling on Miles. 

Does he know that grandma is here and he can get away with it?  Is it the change in the weather? Growth spurt?  Teething...yet again?!  I did notice he has some molars coming in from the top-- one on each side.  Could that be it?  I've heard molars coming in is a different experience from other teeth.

Why are we the only mammals that have to deal with sleep training our babies?!

What do I do?

Re-sleep train and let him CIO until he passes out?  Let him be because it's just a phase?  Or am I doomed forever now that we've helped him fall asleep for almost a week now, on and off?

Will we EVER get decent sleep in our lifetime?

On a separate but related topic...Miles woke us up at 3 am one night and decided to "hang out" until almost 5am.  We were just too tired to deal so let him play around in our bed (thank God for king size) until he finally passed out. We were too tired to transfer him so we all passed out together.  He woke up in the morning, and I assumed it was around 6 or 7am, his usual wake up time.  But it was 9:45am!!!  It was the first time EVER he "slept in" past 7am.  Too bad we didn't feel refreshed at all since he kept us up for 2 hours.  

Do sleep patterns change once babies become toddlers?  Do they need less?  More?

Yes, a lot of questions and no answers today...feeling very frustrated and sleep deprived! 

(not) learning from mom : by amy

Being a mom has made me become a little more reflective on my relationship with my own mom.  As I mentioned in one of my first posts, my mom sacrificed a lot for me by being a full-time working mom, and I was and am extremely grateful for it.  This was the way she expressed her love for me.  She worked hard so that I could enjoy luxuries such as violin lessons, orchestra, gymnastics, ballet, Kumon (ugh) and "hakwon" (afterschool private studies, but hey, I met the love of my life there, so this was an invaluable investment!).  I was able to go on great vacations and have nice things.  Thanks, mom!

But, my relationship with my mom is far from perfect today.  In fact, I think she failed in many ways as a parent (which is probably normal).  I do not see her as a role model when it comes to parenting, but I think she's a great provider.  Some of her failures are also a result of her cultural parenting style.  She was rather Tiger-Mom-ish.  She called me "stupid" many times to try to "encourage" me to do and be better.  She was not gentle.  She occasionally told me she "hated" me in her most irrational arguments and hot tempers.  She never care about what I actually wanted to do in life.  She didn't care about the lesson over the grades.  Was it important to her that I was kind and generous to people?  If "kind and generous" meant being a doctor, then yes.  Otherwise, no.  And, she once made me cry one Christmas morning when I was in the 7th grade because she didn't like the scarf that I got for her.  WTF, mom.

These are the failures that I want to avoid when raising my own children.  I want my children to know and feel that I love them EVERY DAY of their lives, even during their biggest disappointments.  I do believe in tough love to a degree, but I don't want my kids to feel the way I did growing up-- never good enough.  I want them to know that I appreciate and acknowledge their efforts, and I want them to keep striving for excellence in all that they do.  I want to teach them and not just tell them.  I want to emphasize the means and not just the end.

I'd like my children to see me more than just a provider of their material possessions, but I know I will make my own share of mistakes.  I know the boys will one day (and I wish it would just be for one day!) "hate" me like how I "hated" my mom for pretty much all of high school...and during college breaks...and when she told me to turn Logan into a doctor (which happened last week).  But God's grace is enough.  I mean, look at me-- I think I came out OK!  (at least my husband says so!)

I was wrestling with how to end this post, so I asked my husband for some editorial suggestions.  The following was dictated by my husband:

Though my mom failed in certain aspects in raising me as her daughter, I can see her redeeming some of those past failures through her relationship with Logan.  Perhaps it's because she doesn't bear the responsibility to raise Logan, which is why she takes advantage of the grandmother-grandson relationship, but I see my mom's unbridled love and adoration in Logan.  The only way that I can find consolation in my own childhood is by seeing myself in Logan and believing that my mom is correcting her mistakes in raising me by just loving Logan.

While at this time, I cannot say that I whole-heartedly agree, I whole-heartedly hope that I can believe this.