the life of a dairy queen : by jean

my mom told me when i got pregnant that i would not have to worry about having enough milk, but that i would most likely have too much.  it must be genetic because she was right.  i had so much milk from early on!  however, miles never latched on well so his doctor encouraged me to bottle feed him since he needed to gain weight his first weeks at home.  

i was a bit bummed.  i wanted to be able to nurse him like how most moms do.  why wouldn't he take my boob!  i tried going to a lactation consultant, used nipple shields...in the end he just ate so well with the bottle that i didn't want to irritate him.  

so began the life of a dairy queen.  at first, i was pumping as much as miles was feeding.  6-8 pumps a day for about 20 minutes each.  it was tiring but that's what i was told, that i had to pump as if i was nursing so my milk would come in and regulate.  i tried to pass time by either texting with amy, playing games on my phone, or going on kellymom.com to get ALL the information about breastfeeding etc.

this is how my pump life as evolved.

month 1: 6-8 pumps/day; ~4oz/pump;  total ~32oz 20 minutes

month 2: 5-6pumps/day; ~8oz/pump;  total ~40oz  20 minutes

month 3: 4 pumps/day; ~9oz/pump; total ~40+oz   15 minutes

month 4: 3 pumps/day; ~12oz/pump; total ~36+oz 15 minutes

my average after the 1st month has been about 40oz/day.  this is why amy started calling me a dairy queen.  you would think, once you pump less your amount decreases right?  that's what they say...but not me!  my total amount either stayed the same or i had more!  the most i ever pumped out that i have written out is 46oz a day, the most i ever pumped out in one pump session was 16.5oz.  i had to change out the bottles that i was pumping into because it started to overflow.  oye.

a few times when i was switching to lesser pumps a day, i got clogged ducts.  how do you know?  there is a tender spot that hurts when you touch and its rock hard.  i found the best way to relieve these clogged ducts was to massage really well when you are taking a hot shower, as well as massaging as your are pumping. 

pumping only 3 times a day has given me so much more freedom.  the first few months when i was pumping more frequently, it was so hard to go anywhere!  even if i was going out for a walk with miles, i think about what time i would need to be back, and once i'm back if i can distract miles for 15 minutes or if he would have to be fed or be taking a nap.  soo many things to figure out!  

i feel incredibly blessed that i am able to give miles breastmilk even though he never really latched on.  back in the day, they didn't have pumps or any milk storage system so all this liquid gold would go to waste!  but not now!

since i produce more than how much miles consumes each day, my freezer is packed with frozen breastmilk.  early on, i realized that i needed to start cycling out my frozen milk since it was starting to take over my freezer.  so everyday, i put in the freezer 2-3 6oz milk bags and take out the oldest 2 frozen bags each day to mix into miles's bottles.  below are pictures of my freezer.  each ziploc bag contains about 14-6oz bags.  on the bottom near where the ice cubes are my oldest bags that i take out each day.  on the side door are the ones i'm currently freezing. i really like the lansinoh milk storage bags.  they are very space efficient.  currently there's about 8 bags in there with another bag about to form on the side door plus about 10 that i took out of the bags that i currently use. that's roughly about 130 milk bags, that's about 780 oz of breastmilk!  that kind of sounds gross and amazing.  it all came out of me!  ah!

14-6oz bags per ziploc bag. currently about 8 bags in there.

newest milk that i freeze on the side and then eventually put in ziploc bags

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to show off...ok maybe a little.  only because its just ridiculous how much comes out!  but even though  i've had tons of milk, i never got to have that joy with nursing.  nursing was such a traumatizing experience for the both of us.  i really wanted to nurse.  it would make it so much easier than constantly pumping, making bottles, cleaning parts etc etc.  i even went to a lactation specialist at his doctor's office.  she said miles was a "lazy sucker" (lol)!  in order to get him to latch on properly, it would take some work...but that he CAN do it.  she suggested trying the nipple shield.  the nipple shield worked sometimes, but other times because so much milk was coming out miles would literally choke since he couldn't control the flow.  so he's freaking out, breastmilk is spilling everywhere...it was not fun.

so there i was, just milking away like a human cow.  on the days when miles wasn't having a particularly good day, or the weather wasn't good and we've been stuck at home, pumping made me feel very defeated.  i wasn't depressed, but very much defeated.  here i was using a machine to squeeze out breastmilk because my son wouldn't take my boob.  what would i do if pumps weren't around?!  i felt like a robot, constantly having to plug myself onto it.

i've been doing this for so long now that i'm immune to it all.  i have embraced being a diary queen.  i still don't like doing it, but these are the sacrifices we all have to make. right?

the big question now is...when do i stop?  i seem to have about a month's supply of frozen milk.  a part of me is thinking maybe end of this month when miles is 6 months?  maybe a birthday present to myself?  stay tuned!