sleep, baby, sleep! : by amy

Sleep training is highly controversial (just like everything else with parenting).  Some people find it to be unnecessary and cruel.  Do you let the baby cry or not?  The books say he'll be more secure if you come to his rescue as soon as he makes a sound.  But every grandma and care provider will say you're spoiling him and that letting him cry teaches him to be independent.

Every mom is a little neurotic to something when it comes to child-rearing.  For me, it was the baby's sleep.  After doing my research, I decided that instilling healthy sleeping habits was one of the most important things I can do for my child.  I put it pretty far up there next to breastfeeding.  I firmly believe that a well-rested baby allows him to learn and function (for lack of a better word) optimally, resulting in a happier baby (not to mention, a happier umma!).

Logan was naturally a great night-time sleeper.  He was doing 8 hours at around 7 weeks and fell asleep pretty easily after his last feeding.  But, as many of you know, night time sleeping ability uses a different part of the brain than day-time napping ability.  He was terrible at day-time napping.  He would nap for maybe 20-30 minutes, 5-6 times a day and only if I held/rocked him or nursed him for a (really) long time.  Now that I look back on it, I don't think he ever really had good quality sleep during the day.  He would wake up as soon as I put him down, so I would just hold him awkwardly in the chair with my aching arms, unable to get any rest for myself.  I barely made it to the bathroom!  The days couldn't have gone by any slower.  I begged for my husband to come home early.  Baby cried.  I cried.  It got ugly.  Like this:

Baby cried.  I cried.

It (I) got ugly.

Then, a friend recommended this book:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child- $16 at amazon.com

This book is horribly organized, and actually sort of stressed me out with all of the do's and don'ts, but the key is to do what you (as the umma) feel most comfortable doing.  I'll try to sum up his main points as succinctly as possible: Sleep has long-term effects on baby.  Well-rested baby = happy baby.  Know how to read your baby's sleepy signs.  Building healthy sleep habits = teaching baby to soothe himself without aid of bottle/pacifier/holding/rocking/car/stroller, etc., ultimately leading to better quality of rest.  Two widely-used techniques are Ferber and Cry-It-Out (CIO).

I was going back to work at 4 months, and I knew whoever was taking care of him would not be able to hold/rock him all the time, so something had to be done.  No baby has ever died from crying too much.  But he will probably have snot all over his face.  I let the kid cry for up to an hour (max. time recommended by the book) but he didn't fall asleep (and he had snot all over his face).  Point the finger-- I am the worst mother in the world for letting him cry for an hour, right?  It was somewhat of a traumatic experience for both of us, so I waited another 2 weeks and tried again, this time using the Ferber method.  He would just get more worked up each time I came in, so that didn't really work.  It was now approaching 3.5 months-- only 2 weeks left!  I tried CIO one more time, and after 40 long, hard minutes of staring at the red-lining baby monitor, he fell asleep by himself!  That was a turning point for both Logan and me.  Each day was a little bit easier than the last.  We zip him up in the sleepsack, plop him in the crib, crank up the mobile, wave/say "good night!" and close the door.  He babbles and jumps around for a bit, and then *silence.*  Seriously, it was kind of life-changing.  Knowing that he learned this important self-soothing skill made it SO much easier for me to return to work.  And go on dates with my husband.  And shower more frequently.  Seriously, life-changing. 

Today, Logan is a champion napper and sleeper.  He naps on average for 60-90 minutes, 2-3 times a day and sleeps about 11 hours at night with little or no fuss.  Since we started the sleep-training, both he and I have been much happier and less cranky :-).  The process was painful for both him and me, but seeing the long-term benefits (now at nearly 10 months) makes me believe that it was totally worth it. 

But, not everyday is a breeze.  Coincidentally, the day I draft this post is when Logan had an inexplicable meltdown at bedtime.  As Jean mentioned, just when you think you know the patterns, they change things up on you!

Oh well.

A happier and well-rested Logan!

Have you tried sleep training your baby?