5.12.2013

vacation's remorse : by amy

Hello from sunny South Beach!  Yes, I happen to be celebrating Mother's Day away from my baby, which wasn't exactly planned, but here we are.  It's our first vacation without Logan...and it's quite nice....now.  It didn't exactly feel this way from the start.

We dropped him off at grandma's on Saturday evening since our flight was early Sunday morning.   He's slept there many times before when we go to weddings or have late night dates, but we always slept over at grandma's together, which meant we would always take a peek at him prior to going to bed and greet him in the morning.  This time, we dropped him off knowing we wouldn't see him for another 2-3 days.  When I got home and started packing for the trip, I felt a little emptier.  I saw his stuffed penguin on the floor (which he was going to bring to grandma's, oops!), but an instant wave of nostalgia hit as I picked it up and hugged it.  We were going up and down the stairs, making all the noise we needed to, living and moving about the house freely.  Yet, the house still felt somewhat emptier.  I missed him already, and only a couple of hours had passed.  Every weekday, I spend 9 hours away from him.  I even went on a couple of business trips- one was international, but I never felt like this...almost a guilty feeling.  Is it because we were purposely going on vacation without him?  We were going to have fun in the sun without our little one?  This is good practice for us too, said my husband.  I guess so.

That night, we went to bed without checking on him.  We just passed by his empty room.  We prayed that he was resting well.  I woke up this morning still missing him and wanting to greet him in the morning.  But my husband reminded me that this was the beginning of our vacation- just for the two of us.  We were going to make each minute count...because we weren't sure when this would happen again!   I will admit that I started to feel a lot better and ironically, less guilty, as soon as we arrived at our hotel.  The balmy sun.  Friendly palm trees.  Perfect ocean-scented zephyr.  Oh yes, I deserve this... :). It also helped to hear that Logan had a blast at church with grandma and grandpa, and later with his aunt and uncle.  Grandma has also been sending us frequent fun videos which I watched on repeat while poolside.

The husband did a great job planting a few surprises in the trip to make it special, so now I'm sort of wishing we could stay for another night!  But I'm also excited to come home and spend a stay-cation with Logan for the remainder of the week.  Until then, another 36 hours left in Miami!

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