milk or night light? : by jean

(It's been a while since my last post as well.  Sorry! Life's just been busy. :p)

Miles has relapsed again.  He SCREAMS when we put him to bed now.  Not just a whiny "I don't want to go to bed" type of thing, but a painful scream that is exhausting to listen to...and I'm sure exhausting for him.  We let him cry it out a few times.  Each time it lasted about 20 minutes.

Then the other day I thought, could he be screaming because it's so dark in there?  Normally there's still some day light when we put Miles down but now that the days are getting shorter, it's dark by the time it's Miles' bedtime.

My roommie thinks it's because we haven't been giving him milk after dinner.  When he doesn't ask for it, I haven't been giving it to him.  He normally eats very well for dinner so he definitely doesn't NEED milk before bed.

So we tested Miles.  We gave him milk AND had a little night light for him.  He whined for 30 seconds and then was off to bed.  I think it was the night light, but roommie thinks it was the milk.  The next couple of nights we alternated giving him milk and not giving him milk while the night light stayed on at all times.  Unfortunately, after he whined for 30 seconds, he then continued to cry/scream for about 20 minutes.  Last night was 6 minutes.  Tonight it was 3 minutes!

The next couple of nights was up and down.  At one point, I thought maybe Miles was more upset about being stuck in the crib so we tried letting him sleep on the floor.  FAIL.  I was so close to converting his crib into a toddler bed which means he can get out whenever he wants...but the roommie and I decided it wasn't time yet and that he must just need another review on how to sleep.

The moral of the story is that there's absolutely no rhyme or reason as to WHY they relapse.  Does it ever end?  Please tell me it does before they turn 18 and are out of the house. :p

Update: now we are dealing with daylight savings.  With the time changes, Miles is exhausted by the time its his bedtime and doesn't even really fight with us anymore.  Maybe a whine but that's about it. However, he's now waking us up at 5:45am! Grrrrreeat!  Anyone else hate daylight savings??

they are cute until they wake you up at 5:45am!!

still talking about sleep! : by jean

Yes, more on sleep.  My last posts were on sleep (here and here) and we need to talk more about it.

A couple of weeks ago, we decided we couldn't do this any longer.  Ever since Miles started his sleep regression, the only way to get him to sleep was for one of us to stay in the room with him so he sees that we are RIGHT by him.  From my research, it said that these sleep regressions go on from 2-6 weeks.  It's been a month and it hasn't been getting much better.  So we decided to start the dreaded CIO session again.  I blame my mom for his sleep regression.  She visited and stayed with us for almost 3 weeks and during that time she would give me the evil eye whenever I would let Miles cry when I put him down to sleep.  I think Miles also felt the "grandma vibe" because I swear he started this regression on the first night she was home.  She denies giving me ANY looks but is glad she isn't here for the CIO sessions.  Remember, DON'T fall into grandma pressure!

If you read my post from way back on our original sleep training, CIO was hard but it worked well.  I had Miles sleeping from 7:30-7:30 almost every night.  We would do our bedtime routine, put him down in his crib and walk out.  Sometimes he would whine, cry, fuss here and there but nothing more than 5 minutes.  Now, it was time to re-sleep train.

Day 1:
Sunday night, we had gotten home a bit later than we had liked so Miles was already dozing off a bit in the car.  I didn't want to move him after he fell asleep so I kept him awake.  We did the same bedtime routine, put him in his crib and walked out.  He laid down for a good 30 seconds and then the crying/screaming started.  It lasted for 22 minutes.  My stomach was in knots.  Something about this time around was harder than before.  Perhaps because he was more aware of what was going on, and I was I worried I was traumatizing him.

Day 2:
13 minutes.
I couldn't stay to hear him cry again, so I took a shower while the roommate monitored him.

Day 3:
22 minutes

I went to the supermarket during that time and got some ice cream (ice cream is a great way to comfort yourself during CIO sessions).

Day 4:
Started crying even before I left the room. 4 mins of crying and then sat in his crib for about 15 minutes as if he was pondering what he should do next...and then finally, he laid down.

Day 5:
3 mins of crying standing up and then settled down for a bit, sitting down and sucking on his fingers, but then started crying again 30 seconds later.  He cried for about 2 more minutes and then just stayed seated in the corner of the crib right by the door.  By minute 15, he was finally laying down.  Not too bad. He only really cried for about 4-5 mins total!

Day 6:
10 mins of crying and then sitting down by the corner and down to sleep.

Day 7:
1 min of crying and then another minute of sitting by the corner and then laid down!!

Day 8:
4 mins of crying and then laid down.  But then sat up and cried for almost 30 minutes. UGH.  I thought we were on the right track...

Day 9:
30 seconds of crying and then laid down.  HOORAY!

Day 10:

Less than a minute of crying and then sleep position.

Day 11:

10 seconds of crying and then sleep position.

Day 12:
10 seconds of crying, then in sleep position.  randomly started crying again about 15 mins later, cried for another 10 seconds or less, sat down for a sec and back down in sleep position.

I think we are finally onto something.  He cries but stops after a few seconds and gets right into his sleeping position.  Re-training took almost 2 weeks!  I really thought he was just going to remember to go back to sleep on his own again like they say with sleep regressions, but I think he needed a little more push.

Miles also had a couple of episodes where he woke up in the middle of the night or would wake up around 4am and wouldn't go back to sleep.  Cranky baby + cranky parents isn't a good combo. Thankfully, now that he is somewhat back to his normal sleeping habits, waking up in the middle of night or waking up WAY too early is no long occurring.  YAY!

Turns out, Logan had a stint of sleep regression just recently too! (He is approaching 24 months).  We (Jean and Amy) literally texted each other every night when the kids were going to bed to update each other on the progress.  It's so great having friends who are going through what you are going through. :)   Here is Amy's experience:

Day 1:
Saturday night, we put him down after our normal bedtime routine, and he started crying after we closed the door.  Hmm, that's strange...maybe he pooped?  So I went in to check on him, but no poopie diaper.  I put him back in the crib and walked out.  More crying.  I let it go for 15 minutes.  Maybe he just wasn't tired?  But it was already past 8pm.  So I went back in and held him/soothed him.  I put him back in the crib and rocked in the rocking chair in his room.  He cried and fussed but eventually calmed down.  He looked at me often-- I pretended to be sleeping in the chair so not to re-engage with him.  After 45 minutes and a lot of yawning and eye-rubbing, I was pretty sure he was laying down and getting ready to fall asleep, so I tried to slip away...BIG MISTAKE!  He immediately got up and started screaming bloody murder again!  What happened to my sleep-trained child!?  It was now past 9pm, and I knew Logan needed to go to bed.  I remembered what a friend said once: when they regress, nip it in the bud early before you start letting things slip and build bad habits.  So, we let him cry it out.  I sat at the bottom of the staircase listening to every excruciating cry to see if he would vomit.  After about an hour of crying, Logan had finally gone to bed.  No vomitting, phew!

Day 2: It's Sunday night, which means work for us and school for Logan the next day, which means-- baby needs to sleep!!  But he ate a very late dinner, and I was afraid he would vomit in bed during CIO, so I laid on the floor next to his crib until he fell completely asleep, which was around 8:30pm. 

Day 3: OK, time to be strong.  We're going to CIO tonight.  Husband and I knew what to expect.  It lasted 66 minutes.  I will admit it's easier to sit through it when you're resolute on not going back up.  We also re-set our monitor so we were able to watch for any vomitting.

Day 4: 63 minutes!  And no vomit.

Day 5: 27 minutes!!  Progress!

Day 6: No tears!  I didn't bother watching him on the monitor.  I don't care what he's doing in the crib as long as he's not crying.  I also put a new book in his crib, which perhaps helped distract him.

Day 7: No tears again!  We put Elmo in his bed too, so he had a new sleep buddy to entertain him.

Fortunately, our re-sleep training took only a week.  He's been sleeping through the night every night with the exception of one (seemed like he had a bad dream).

In the end,  CIO isn't easy.  Not only do you have to make sure your child is ready for it, YOU have to be ready for it AND you and your partner have to be on the same page.  If one of you can't bear to listen, go take a long shower, or go out for a walk.  It was really torture for me to sit at home and listen him cry in our tiny apt.

Thankfully, both Logan and Miles are back to sleeping normally again.

Sleep Regression : by jean

In my last post, I vented about how my sleep champion had turned into a sleep nightmare: he started waking up in the middle of the night and all of a sudden forgot how to sleep on his own.  Read more about it here.

I don't do well when I don't get my beauty sleep.  But I was very encouraged when my friend called me as soon as I published my last post and told me about this 18-19 month sleep regression.

So I did some research, and it's a real thing!  We don't necessarily have to blame it on teething all the time, although that's not completely out of the picture.  Sleep regression is sort of a developmental stage.  They are becoming more aware of what's going on and often have separation anxiety.  They are also becoming more independent and opinionated which often results in not wanting to go to sleep when you (the parent) want them to.

I remember one night, I was doing my normal bedtime ritual with Miles: brush his teeth, find his hippo (thanks Mira!), let him turn off the light, pray, say goodnight, and put him down in his crib.  As soon as we turned off the light and got ready to pray, he screamed, "No, No!" and started shaking his head and got very upset.  He KNEW what was going to happen next...and didn't want it to happen.

The good news is that this is all temporary.  We didn't do anything wrong, and it will eventually pass (at least that's what my research tells me).  It can take 2-6 weeks for babies to get past this.  AND, you don't have to re-sleep train them-- they already know the drill but are just going through a phase. They say to make efforts to comfort them more during this phase to help them get through it.

Before Miles started his sleep regression phase, we would put Miles down after our bedtime ritual and just walk out of the room.  He would usually lay down and go to sleep pretty easily with maybe a couple cries here and there.  These days, we've been staying in the room with him until he's almost completely asleep.  He'll occasionally look up to make sure one of us is still there.  That's been helping a bit, allowing him to fall asleep at a decent time, and he hasn't been waking up in the middle of the night.  It's been about 3 weeks of the sleep regression phase so far.  Let's hope he passes this phase REAL soon.

Re-sleep train?? : by Jean

It's been a week since all sleep training has gone out the door.  I don't know if it's a coincidence with my mom visiting for a few weeks, or teething, but Miles has not gone down to sleep at night without one of us laying down with him in our bed and transferring him to his crib.  Not only that, he's woken up in the middle of the night screaming, which results in us again having to bring him to our bed and then eventually transferring him back to his.

What the #%$#!???

Miles is now almost 17 months and it has never gotten this bad for this long since we first started sleep training him (read about my story here and Amy's here.) Yes, I'm tattling on Miles. 

Does he know that grandma is here and he can get away with it?  Is it the change in the weather? Growth spurt?  Teething...yet again?!  I did notice he has some molars coming in from the top-- one on each side.  Could that be it?  I've heard molars coming in is a different experience from other teeth.

Why are we the only mammals that have to deal with sleep training our babies?!

What do I do?

Re-sleep train and let him CIO until he passes out?  Let him be because it's just a phase?  Or am I doomed forever now that we've helped him fall asleep for almost a week now, on and off?

Will we EVER get decent sleep in our lifetime?

On a separate but related topic...Miles woke us up at 3 am one night and decided to "hang out" until almost 5am.  We were just too tired to deal so let him play around in our bed (thank God for king size) until he finally passed out. We were too tired to transfer him so we all passed out together.  He woke up in the morning, and I assumed it was around 6 or 7am, his usual wake up time.  But it was 9:45am!!!  It was the first time EVER he "slept in" past 7am.  Too bad we didn't feel refreshed at all since he kept us up for 2 hours.  

Do sleep patterns change once babies become toddlers?  Do they need less?  More?

Yes, a lot of questions and no answers today...feeling very frustrated and sleep deprived! 

korea part 3: by jean

here are my final thoughts on my trip to korea.

in terms of packing:

i forgot to mention that i packed a saline nasal mist for miles.  i don't know about you but my nose gets very dry whenever i fly so i end up putting aquaphor up my nose (i know that sounds gross but it really works).  miles started to get lots of dry boogies so i used the saline mist on him a few times throughout the flight so it wouldn't bother him.

here was  my post about my list of things that i was planning to pack.  one of the big things i was contemplating about was whether or not to bring a pack and play.  i knew miles could sleep on the floor but because he moves around so much i was concerned that he might roll out of his sleeping area, or roll over the pillows i put down to create a boundary.

in the end, i was able to buy a used graco pack and play off of park slope parent's classified section and it worked WONDERS!!  (kathleen huddy, you can breath now!)  i was able to put him down in the pack and play and walk away when it was time for him to sleep, like how i do back at home in his crib.  my parents were so impressed by how i could simply put miles down to have him fall alseep by himself rather than getting him to fall asleep and then putting him down.  (read about miles's and logan's sleep trainig here!  it's the best thing i ever did!)  they kept saying miles's was such a "chak han" (nice/good) baby to fall asleep himself.  i said, sure he's a good baby and all....but it's also called sleep training!!

because he was able to fall asleep by himself, once he adjusted to the local time, (and got used to being with his grandparents) we were able to leave him before bedtime to go out and meet with friends for dinner. i still asked my parents to text me once he fell asleep but all in all (except for two big meltdowns), he slept well once we left him.  sleep training, it does a body good!

in korea:

because my parents lived about 30-45mins outside of seoul, we typically hung out around their area during the day and then went out to the city at night by ourselves.  we did take miles on the bus once, and that worked out pretty well.  we made sure we left right around his nap time so he fell asleep the whole ride on the bus.  i also put him in the bjorn and just wore him the whole time to be safe.  the few times we did take him to seoul with us, we took him by car with my parents.  i was too chicken to take him on the bus/subway into the city in case we couldn't find baby friendly places to change, feed him...and since he can't eat everything we eat yet, it was too much to pack for him!  traveling with a baby was definitely very different.  we didn't get to venture out as much as we had hoped, but we were grateful to have a happy baby during our trip! :)

on the plane:

miles overall travelled VERY well.  as i mentioned in korea part 1, miles JUST fit in the bassinet that attached to the wall so he slept for about 5~6 hours once it was his bedtime on our way back.  AND the flight wasn't full. our seat was by the window so the lady that had the 3rd seat in our aisle got to move to another area so we had the whole row to ourselves.

miles enjoying his flight back to nyc!

meal for miles: gerber's mangos and rice, some japanese crackers, soy milk for babies, gerber's mixed fruit juice, and mushroom/carrot/beef/rice porridge

in the end, our trip to korea was a success!  as scary as it was to think about being on the plane for so long and dealing with jetlag, it was great to be with family.  we are now dealing with jetlag AGAIN so i'll keep you guys posted!  hopefully miles will adjust back to ny time soon!!

sleep, baby, sleep! (part II): by jean

i wasn't a very diligent new mom.   i had skimmed through pregnancy books but not much on what to do when the baby was born.  a part of me was lazier since i knew amy was reading up on a lot of stuff...so i figure i would just ask her and get the cliffnote's version!  (read about how amy sleep trained logan here!)

i love sleep.  i was worried for myself of how little sleep i would get.   miles slept in the bassinet right next to our bed up until he was around 6 weeks old.  we never thought about putting him in our bed since i tend to move around, so i was too nervous that i would squish him.

around 8 weeks he was waking up about 2 times a night:
- go to sleep at 9 pm
- wake up 1 or 2 am, eat, change diaper, fall asleep
- wake up 4 or 5am, eat, change diaper, fall asleep
- wake up 7 or 8 am

at his 2 month check up, i told his doctor what his pattern was like, and she said to start feeding him less when he woke up at night.  at that point, he didn't really need to eat-- he just wanted to be soothed.

because miles didn't latch on very well, i was mainly pumping (i'm a diary queen) and knew he was drinking about 4 oz per feeding so we started to give him 3 oz, than 2 oz, etc.  the first week was brutal.  normally, he pass out once he was almost finished with the bottle, burp while half asleep, and go straight to sleep.  now that we were giving him less, he would cry wanting more.  in the beginning, we gave in and gave him his normal amount just so we could also sleep!

i was motivated to try again so i remember singing and rocking him for almost two hours one night, half asleep with my back feeling like it was going to break.  at this point i had let him cry it out (CIO) to fall asleep on his own a few times but never in the middle of the night.  CIO initially didn't work, and i wasn't ready.  the longest i let him cry was 45 minutes and i felt horrible.  but after about a week of giving him less and rocking him to sleep, he slowly dropped one of his feedings and slept almost 7 hours from 8pm until 3am.  at 9 weeks he slept almost 9 hours straight, 8-4:45am.  at 10 weeks, he slept from 8pm until 6:15am! 10 hours!  hallelujah!  i still remember me and my roommie (husband is roommate for life! i like the sound of it more than husband) waking up and both looking at each other as to who woke up in the middle of the night-- neither of us did b/c miles never woke up!  we felt sooo refreshed being able to sleep through.

since then, miles goes down every night around 7:30pm and sleeps until 7am.  he may wake up around 6 but he tends to play in his crib or fall back asleep so i get to sleep in until 7:30am, sometimes 7:45am!  having him sleep through the night seemed like the best thing ever but having him fall asleep on his own was another hurdle.  every time it was time for him to nap or go down for the night, i had to rock and feed him at the same time, praying that he'll pass out by the time he was done.  he would burp while half asleep and i would gently put him down.   if he was still awake by the time he finished his bottle, then i was in trouble.  it was so tiring doing this EVERY time.

miles was now almost 4 months.  i decided it was time to really let him CIO.  amy was over during the day once and saw me struggling to get him to go to sleep.  having amy with me made me feel a little more encouraged to try CIO again, so i did.  even with her being around, 5 minutes felt like 50!  but after she left i knew this had to change.  the next day i started with his first nap.  she had mentioned it would be the easiest to start.  miles normally took his first nap around 8:45-9am.  i put him down and walked away. he cried for about 20 minutes and fell asleep--i guess that wasn't too bad.  he slept in the stroller for the rest of his naps that day.  but that night, i told my roommie that we HAD to try this again.  we made sure to give him a bath that night, closed the door and ate our dinner watching the monitor.  we told ourselves, if he still cries after an hour, we will stop.  thank goodness, after the longest 40 minutes ever, he passed out. 

ever since then, miles falls asleep by himself for his naps without any crying.  he may fuss a bit but as soon as i put him down, he'll go to his position, on his tummy with his 3rd and 4th fingers in his mouth, and pass out.  night time sleep is another story:  there are times when he's totally fine, but other times will cry for 15-20 minutes.  i don't know why some days he's fine and others he's not.  i thought maybe if he didn't nap well, that's why he was crying but even if he took all 3 naps and was good all day, it didn't matter.  it'll always be a mystery why they cry so much at night.  why can't they just tell us?? :p  in any case, it's SO liberating being able to put him down and walk away because i know he'll be ok and wake up with a big smile.

miles awake with a big smile!

sleep, baby, sleep! : by amy

Sleep training is highly controversial (just like everything else with parenting).  Some people find it to be unnecessary and cruel.  Do you let the baby cry or not?  The books say he'll be more secure if you come to his rescue as soon as he makes a sound.  But every grandma and care provider will say you're spoiling him and that letting him cry teaches him to be independent.

Every mom is a little neurotic to something when it comes to child-rearing.  For me, it was the baby's sleep.  After doing my research, I decided that instilling healthy sleeping habits was one of the most important things I can do for my child.  I put it pretty far up there next to breastfeeding.  I firmly believe that a well-rested baby allows him to learn and function (for lack of a better word) optimally, resulting in a happier baby (not to mention, a happier umma!).

Logan was naturally a great night-time sleeper.  He was doing 8 hours at around 7 weeks and fell asleep pretty easily after his last feeding.  But, as many of you know, night time sleeping ability uses a different part of the brain than day-time napping ability.  He was terrible at day-time napping.  He would nap for maybe 20-30 minutes, 5-6 times a day and only if I held/rocked him or nursed him for a (really) long time.  Now that I look back on it, I don't think he ever really had good quality sleep during the day.  He would wake up as soon as I put him down, so I would just hold him awkwardly in the chair with my aching arms, unable to get any rest for myself.  I barely made it to the bathroom!  The days couldn't have gone by any slower.  I begged for my husband to come home early.  Baby cried.  I cried.  It got ugly.  Like this:

Baby cried.  I cried.

It (I) got ugly.

Then, a friend recommended this book:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child- $16 at amazon.com

This book is horribly organized, and actually sort of stressed me out with all of the do's and don'ts, but the key is to do what you (as the umma) feel most comfortable doing.  I'll try to sum up his main points as succinctly as possible: Sleep has long-term effects on baby.  Well-rested baby = happy baby.  Know how to read your baby's sleepy signs.  Building healthy sleep habits = teaching baby to soothe himself without aid of bottle/pacifier/holding/rocking/car/stroller, etc., ultimately leading to better quality of rest.  Two widely-used techniques are Ferber and Cry-It-Out (CIO).

I was going back to work at 4 months, and I knew whoever was taking care of him would not be able to hold/rock him all the time, so something had to be done.  No baby has ever died from crying too much.  But he will probably have snot all over his face.  I let the kid cry for up to an hour (max. time recommended by the book) but he didn't fall asleep (and he had snot all over his face).  Point the finger-- I am the worst mother in the world for letting him cry for an hour, right?  It was somewhat of a traumatic experience for both of us, so I waited another 2 weeks and tried again, this time using the Ferber method.  He would just get more worked up each time I came in, so that didn't really work.  It was now approaching 3.5 months-- only 2 weeks left!  I tried CIO one more time, and after 40 long, hard minutes of staring at the red-lining baby monitor, he fell asleep by himself!  That was a turning point for both Logan and me.  Each day was a little bit easier than the last.  We zip him up in the sleepsack, plop him in the crib, crank up the mobile, wave/say "good night!" and close the door.  He babbles and jumps around for a bit, and then *silence.*  Seriously, it was kind of life-changing.  Knowing that he learned this important self-soothing skill made it SO much easier for me to return to work.  And go on dates with my husband.  And shower more frequently.  Seriously, life-changing. 

Today, Logan is a champion napper and sleeper.  He naps on average for 60-90 minutes, 2-3 times a day and sleeps about 11 hours at night with little or no fuss.  Since we started the sleep-training, both he and I have been much happier and less cranky :-).  The process was painful for both him and me, but seeing the long-term benefits (now at nearly 10 months) makes me believe that it was totally worth it. 

But, not everyday is a breeze.  Coincidentally, the day I draft this post is when Logan had an inexplicable meltdown at bedtime.  As Jean mentioned, just when you think you know the patterns, they change things up on you!

Oh well.

A happier and well-rested Logan!

Have you tried sleep training your baby?