No, Thank You : by jean

A couple years back, before I was pregnant, I used to make fun of my friend who would say "no, thank you" to her daughter instead of just saying "no."  It totally made sense, but at the time as someone with no kids, it was funny hearing her say "no, thank you, please get down," "no, thank you, can umma have this?" etc.

Now that Miles has opinions, guess what I started to say?  "No, thank you Miles.  Please don't throw your food.  No, thank you Miles.  Please don't put your hands in the toilet.  No, thank you Miles.  You are too close to the TV."  My friend heard me say it and laughed at me.

It's really hard to stay patient as your toddler is throwing food all over the place and say "no, thank you" instead of just plain "NO!"  Once I was so fed up that I looked at him, gave him a stern look, pointed at him and said "NO, MILES,"  and he looked at me and copied me.  I couldn't help but crack up. Oye!  He's definitely constantly stretching my patience.  

He recently started going through tantrums too.  Lying down on the floor, rolling around, crying about who knows what.  At that point, I either try to hug him to calm him down, say "no, thank you Miles", or ignore him.

How do you guys deal when your babies get like that? 

I said "No, thank you Miles.  Please don't put food in your hair" but he didn't agree.

Amy talked about giving Logan his first time out session last week.  Is it too early for Miles to have time-out?

I've also heard of people putting their kids in the crib to settle down when they are acting up.  Has anyone tried that?

TIME-OUT : by amy

On Thursday, Logan faced his first time-out.  He's seen the bigger kids at day-care get time-out, so I was pretty sure he knew how it worked, but we never did it at home yet. 

It was kind of funny because just 2 weeks ago, my husband and I were talking about ways to discipline Logan.  Do we spank?  If so, when?  We thought we'd likely never have to touch him since he bursts into tears any time my husband disciplines him (and that's just with the "look" or a stern Logan, NO, in his super-deep voice).   I think he reacts that way because he sees dad as the "fun" one and not the one that's supposed to say "no."  When I discipline him, he's typically not happy but cries only occasionally.  Anyway, so during this discussion, my husband says, we're definitely not doing any of that 'time-out' nonsense.  He wasn't a believer in time-out.  Well, what else are you going to do?  Beat your 20 month old with the rice spoon?  No, I don't think so.

So Logan decided it would be fun to repeatedly jump off of the staircase (from the first step).  After the 10th time, we decided this jumping can only happen outside with our supervision.  So after repeated Logan, NO! and no jumping in the house!, even my husband was desperate to try anything to discipline the kid, so we pulled the time-out card.  Logan's reaction?  A mischievous smile, and a GO! as he jumped off the step.

"GO!"

So, we strapped him to the high chair, took him to the adjacent library (which was kind of dark), and had him face the wall for 1 minute.

Time out!

He whined the entire time, but no tears.  Did it work?  Not exactly.  He ran back to the staircase, but stopped abruptly after the husband called his name.  This was Logan's chance to learn.  He knew something was up-- he was doing something wrong.  Logan, if you jump off one more time, you are going to time-out again.  I mean it.  Logan's reaction?  [thinking about it]....GO! *jump*.  *sigh*  He failed.  So back on the high chair he went, now kicking, screaming, with his body refusing to sit up in the chair.  After finally strapping in the buckles, we had him face the wall again for another minute.  This time, he wailed, sobbed and screamed in high pitches for the entire minute.  He was a snotty, sweaty mess.  We hugged and kissed him, but the screaming didn't stop.  We tried to distract him with toys, but he still screamed.

But guess what?  The next morning, he faced that notorious step....and he STEPPED down!  We applauded, praised and thanked him for listening.  The time-out worked!!  Somehow, we felt like "successful" parents.  Aside from providing for his needs and loving him, we actually influenced how he behaved!  This probably sounds ridiculous to you, but it really was a "a-ha!" moment for us.

So, the husband is now a believer in time-out.   Logan now knows what time-out is.  Now the problem is the new day care we're thinking of taking Logan to doesn't call it "time-out"-- they call it the "thinking chair."  What a freaking euphemism.

your attention, please : by amy

Lately, Logan's been...irritable.  He is still his silly self 90% of the time, but something is off.  He showed sudden and extreme separation anxiety on Sunday when we dropped him off at the nursery-- vomiting and clingy-ness.  He's been having mini-meltdowns on the kitchen floor.  He's been grabbing my hand and demanding that I follow his orders, "or else" (i.e. mini-meltdown).

Is it because he had 3 shots on Friday?  Is it because his molars are coming in?  Is it because I'm working too much??  (haha, I always use this as an excuse...see past blog post).  Are these the terrible-not-even-twos??  Whatever it is, it's been sort of sucking.  

So, how does one respond to this whacky behavior?  Most of the time, I show tough love and am not afraid to use say "NO," or "Mmm Mmm! *shaking head*" or bust out the hissing Korean sound.  If he's being crabby on the kitchen floor for no valid reason, I typically leave him alone.  I'm not going to let him fool me with his dog and pony show!  I'll show him who's the real boss in this house!

Right?

Or, am I supposed to look at him in the eye and say, "Logan, I can see you are very upset right now.  Can you please try to understand that although I want to play with you, I need to finish preparing your dinner?"  Or, should I pick him up and give him hugs to make him feel better?  (btw, my hugs don't seem to calm him down).  Or, should I give in because maybe this is his way of telling me "MOM, you spend all day at the office.  I want you to play with me NOW"?  Man, he's so good at guilt-tripping me...

I think the answer is sort of a mix of all of the above.  Sometimes, if Logan is acting up, I'll tell him, "Logan, I know you are mad, but I need to finish what I'm doing.  You have to WAIT.  Please wait for umma."  Then, I'll let him scream and cry.  He typically gets over it once the next distraction comes around.  Not sure if this is the "right" thing to do, but it's what I do.  

How do you ummas deal with difficult toddler behavior?