Sometimes, I feel SUPER inadequate. (BTW, I'm not writing this as a pity-post, asking for your encouragement, so please don't bother!) I look at moms of multiples, and I honestly think that God blessed them a bigger "loving-capacity" than others. Two kids--okay, I think I can manage. Three kids? Serenity now! 4+ kids?? You are blessed with a heart of gold. One of my co-workers is a Mormon, and he wants like 5 or 6 kids. God bless his stay-at-home wife!
Maybe it's because I grew up as an only-child, so I'm not used to having the commotion of a large family. Maybe it's because I live on the east coast, and my perspective is a little more rigid (and my living costs are far higher!). Whatever my excuse is, I'm thinking I'll be satisifed with a nuclear family of 4. At one point, I did want three kids due to my only-child-loneliness as a kid, but now that I have one, I'm feeling the physical, emotional and mental toll, and I'm thinking two is probably good...
In all honesty, I wish I could sort of be like one of those moms who just absolutely looooooves their babies and wants to be with them 24/7. Sometimes, I wonder, "Why don't I feel that way? Is something "wrong" with me? Was I really meant to be a mother?" I think I was meant to be a mother...of one...or maybe two kids. The sad fact is that I just love myself a bit too much :(. That sounds horrible, doesn't it? But, I think God is helping me define my limits. And OK, seriously, I really don't want a minivan. I'm only half-joking. :)
Amy! I never knew you were an only child. I think at least for now, I have that only child mentality of wanting three to four children when I am married some day. For now, that is. However, I do not want a mini-van. Haha :)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry - you will have enough capacity for however many you choose to have, or God chooses to give you, which he did when after such careful planning with the first two (and I mean down to the day), we have a surprise third child. I still worked, I still was able to carve time for myself and I still managed to love them all equally. However, it did take awhile to get over the shock of that third surprise. (Ask Jean) I still get to wear grownup clothes and yet I love my mini-van!
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