family time! : by amy

This is going to be kind of cheesey, but I really, really love family time!  Husband, baby and me.  I love going to Wegman's with them, the farmer's market, the mall, the beach, pretty much anywhere!  It's even more fun when extended family is around and also a nice break if I need to turn my attention to errands/chores, but nothing quite beats those rare occasions when we can spend the whole day together as just the nuclear family.  We have the luxury of living <10 minutes away from my in-laws (and it is honestly, sincerely a real luxury), so we see them a lot during the week.  Logan's only aunt and uncle who live in NYC love Logan so much that they don't want him to forget them, so they drive down pretty frequently.  And Logan's future-best-friend, Miles, lives in Brooklyn so we often make day trips to visit them and get out of the 'burbs for awhile.  On top of that, my husband is doing part-time graduate school while working full time, so he spends most of his free time and parts of the weekend studying.  Add in the weekly chores and errands and finding quality nuclear family time ends up being pretty tough when there are only 8 non-working days in a month!

But the husband just took his final exam and wrapped up the summer semester, so we celebrated by going to the Jesrey shore-- Logan's first time!

at Spring Lake, NJ

It was our first time at Spring Lake, and I would highly recommend it for those with families.  It's a really clean and pretty beach-- no fist-pumping, drinking or Snooki-look-a-likes here.  There are gorgeous beach houses, a long, clean boardwalk, lots of cyclists and super-nice people.  Parking is free but the beach admission is $9/person, which we were happy to pay considering how nice and clean the beach was.  Not too many places to eat by the beach, but there's a 2-floor pavilion with a snack shack which is very convenient for families.  They have a very cute, Hamptons-esque downtown a few blocks away from the shore.  Other great family-friendly beaches nearby are Sea Girt and Manasquan.  Unfortunately, we ended up getting rained out so we couldn't stay for too long, but we will be back, hopefully before the husband starts the new semester!

What are some of your favorite family activities/trips?

how miles came into this world : by jean

the following post my not be suitable for all.  please read at your own discretion

it's amazing how every woman experiences labor differently.  we all go through giving birth, but the process of getting there and actually laboring is so different.  my due date was january 20, 2012. it was a friday.  i remember going into work like any other day and leaving work not knowing if i was going to be back on monday or not.

saturday:  i started to feel some contractions.  it felt like mild cramps like my stomach was getting squeezed tightly and then releasing.  it wasn't too bad, at least not yet.  i knew i was about 70% effaced and everyone said to walk around a lot to help go into labor.  we are in brooklyn, and there aren't big malls close by.  it was too cold to walk around outside and Ikea was right by our place so we decided to go for a walk, look at pretty furniture, and eat some swedish meatballs.  saturday came and went.

sunday: again, irregular contractions.  they were starting to feel a bit more intense where i would have to pause what i was doing for a second until the pain went away.  amy was hoping i would have miles over the weekend so she could come see me at the hospital.  since miles still didn't come out yet, she came over with some miyuk gook (seaweed soup or Korean "birthday soup." Koreans say this is the best food for moms.  something about the seaweed helps your milk production, replaces iron from all the blood loss, and promotes healing) and her awesome chocolate walnut cookies.  we decided to skip church since my contractions were getting a bit more intense each time.  we stayed home, watched a lot of tv, ate dinner, and went to bed.  in the middle of the night, my contractions became regular.  i had one almost every 5 minutes for about an hour so i decided to call the doctor at around 4am on...  

monday: i told the doctor my symptoms and she said to go to the hospital.  when i arrived at the hospital, they checked me and said i was just about 2 cms-- barely dilated.  they told me to go home and try to relax.  i was a bit disappointed but we went back.  my contractions were back to being irregular so i tried to sleep or walk around whenever i didn't have contractions.  pain was pretty bad at this point but somewhat bearable.  i tried to breathe through the contractions, but it was hard.  i would clench and tense up each time i had a contraction.  my contractions were regular again by around 4pm.  i called my doctor and she told me that i could come into the office to get checked or i could go back to the hospital.  i decided to go to the hospital hoping that i might get admitted.  when i arrived at the hospital, my contractions all of a sudden became irregular again AND i was still only at 2 cms.  they told me to go home (again!?), take a bath, drink some wine, walk around and sleep.  i was really disappointed and a bit annoyed at this point, but i went home and followed the doctor's orders.  it seemed like the contractions died down at this point or maybe the bath and/or the wine helped-- not sure, but i was able to relax.  of course we went to sleep and then my pain suddenly became unbearable.  i couldn't sit, lie down, walk, or even go to the bathroom.  PAIN.

tuesday:  i tried to hold off on calling my doc right away because i was tired of going in and having to come back home again, but this time the pain was so much worse.  with each contraction i couldn't help but let out what i call my "labor roar."  we finally called the doctor at 9am and she said once again to go to the hospital.  the ride to the hospital felt like hours.  the other times it was painful everytime we hit a bump or did a sharp turn, but this time EVERYTHING made it worse.  i got to the hospital and could barely walk.  the security guard saw me crying and hobbling over and got a wheelchair for me right away.  i even had a hard time getting in the wheelchair.  when i got to the delivery floor, i tried to get undressed and into the gown so i could get checked again but every movement made my contractions worse.  my doctor finally checked me-- i was at a whopping 3 cms.  ONLY 3 CMS?!   i pleaded with her to not send me back home because the pain was so much worse.  i was admitted at 11am (hooray!).  she suggested that that they give me some drugs since my pain was clearly getting worse, but i wasn't dilating much faster.  she put me on pitocin which helped me have more contractions and ultimately help me dilate faster.  when asked if i wanted an epidural, i said "YES PLEASE!"  once i got the epidural, i was totally fine.  i was able to relax-- no more labor roars.  now was the waiting game to dilate.  i was about 5 cms at 6pm.  my doctor decided to break my water to help speed up the process.  thanks to the epidural, i felt nothing (apparently, when the doctor broke amy's water before administering the epidural, she claimed it to be worst part of giving birth).  i enjoyed chicken broth, jello, and ginger ale for my last supper before the baby while the roomie went out and enjoyed a cheesesteak sandwich.  at 2am, my nurse came to check me and i was finally at 10cms.  HALLELUJAH!

i started pushing at 2:30am.  i pushed for about 15 minutes and then my nurse told me that i wasn't pushing correctly.  i couldn't feel my bottom because of the epidural, so even though i thought i was pushing down there, i wasn't.  the doctor decided to cut my epidural dose in half-- ahhh!  we waited a little bit for the epidural to wear off and started pushing again at 3:30am.  i was in PAIN.  it hurt so much that it almost felt better to push than to wait in between pushes.  i started pushing in the normal legs-up-in-the-air-while-sitting position, but my lower back hurt too much, so my nurse suggested i try the squatting method.  they lowered my chair so my feet dangle down.  i squatted down holding onto a bar each time i pushed.  this helped the pain in my lower back.  after pushing this way for about 20 minutes (felt like eternity), they put me back in the regular position.  after some more pushing i heard them say the head was out-- oh, the pain!  i felt like there was a watermelon stuck down there!  it hurt soo much that on my next push, i completely pushed the rest of his body out in one shot!  the roomie said he remembered seeing the head come out, and then the rest of the body fly out!  while pushing i remembered telling myself, "i have to push as hard as i can to make this pain to go away."  my doctor didn't think i would push the rest of his body out so quickly so i ended up tearing a lot-- 3rd degree.  ouch! 

the feeling like there was a watermelon stuck down there was gone but i didn't hear him cry right away, so i was so confused and didn't know if he was out or not.  after the nurses cleared his nose and mouth, i heard the cry.  he was FINALLY out!  and then the placenta came out.  i've heard that sometimes it's painful when the placenta comes out.  for me, i just remember some cold slimy thing passing through my body and it sort of felt good.  maybe because i was so swollen and torn up, it was soothing in a way?  once the placenta was out everything was a blur.  getting sewn up, seeing miles, nurses checking on him, still getting sewn up, nurses trying to get miles to latch on, talking to my mom on the phone, and still getting sewn up.

that is my labor story.  people say as soon as you have the baby and hold him in your arms, you forget all the pain you just went through.  i sure haven't forgotten it!  i was still getting sewn up when i first held miles and for a while, i was so sore down there.  it hurt to sit down and go to the bathroom.  even after a month after i gave birth,  it would get sore down there if i walked around too much.  even now, i definitely still have not forgotten it.  have you forgotten the labor pains?  what was your labor like?

feeling like cold rice : by amy

So about 2 weeks ago, something upsetting happened.  It was a Wednesday morning, which meant I worked late the night before and wasn't able to see Logan before he went to sleep.  Since I didn't get to see him on Tuesday night, I was extra eager to see my smiley Logan's face.  Husband and I went to greet Logan in the morning like we always do.  Logan didn't even really acknowledge me and only looked and smiled at the husband.  I proceeded to pick Logan up from the crib-- Logan continued to look only at the husband.  Husband left the room, and then Logan started CRYING, squirming out of my arms and reaching out toward the doorway.  I was so taken aback by his reaction-- this had never ever happened before.  I felt so rejected.  Like, the worse rejection one could ever feel.  I forced Logan onto the husband and bitterly mumbled, "Here, you take him.  He doesn't want me."  I sat in the rocking chair and cried.  It was only 6:20am.

For the next 5 minutes, I thought about what went "wrong."  Why does he always smile so much at everyone else but me?  Doesn't he KNOW that I carried him for 10 months, and that I fed him from my breast, and that I held and carried him until my arms almost fell off, and that I wipe his butt everyday?  He reaches for Bina.  He reaches for the grandmas.  He reaches for his dad.  And today, he doesn't want to be in my arms.  I feel like chan bap (cold rice).  You know-- the leftover rice that was once hot and delicious but was now ignored for something better.

:(

Am I just a bad umma?  Is my husband just that much more fun?  Am I the boring one?  Does he see me as just someone who provides his necessities and transports him from home to somewhere fun?  (home day care, grandma's house)  Does it really make a difference when he doesn't see me 1-2 nights a week?  Is it because I'm working too much?  Should I be spending more time with him so he "likes" me more? 

I came to a few conclusions.  First, I sound pathetic and selfish wanting my kid to "like" me more as if I'm in high school again and my 11 month baby is the "cool kid."  I'm his mother.  No one else can take that away from me.  It's not like he never smiles at me or gives me hugs.  It's not like he never comes speed-crawling to me when he sees me.  This one-time event  happened to be exactly that-- a one-time event.  Second, aside from weekends, I only get to see him for about 2-3 hours a day on M/W/F and only 1-2 hours on T/Th.  When I do see him during the weekdays, we don't often get a lot of play-time.  It's typically feeding, dressing, cleaning,  bathing, etc.  My husband has a more flexible schedule so he's able to spend a couple of extra hours a week with Logan.  It is what it is.  It's not ideal, but I'm content and it's working...so far.  This led to my third conclusion: would I want him to love me more now or love me more later?  I would prefer that he loves me more later when he can recognize actions of love and I can teach him what it means to love someone.  What does that mean for me?  I'm not sure yet-- I'll deal with it once Logan starts going to some type of school.

Some days he's very excited to see me, and other days not so much.  I see him give Bina (his care provider on M/W/Fs) big hugs with big, long-lasting smiles.  He rarely does that with anyone, including my husband and me.  He still smiles and hugs us, but not like the ones he gives to Bina.  I like to think it's partially because he watches the other kids do it too.  Or maybe it's because she always wears this necklace that he loves to play with.  She also happens to be sort of a baby whisperer.  But I know that he is very happy to be with Bina, which is a great thing.  Have I felt jealous?  Occasionally, yes, but Bina always reminds me that I am his umma.  At the end of the day, he knows that he goes home with me.  Bina is a care (and hug) provider, but I am his love provider.  When he grows up, he will know that I'm not his friend-- I'm his umma.  He won't always like me, but I hope he will love me.  For now, I will savor the moments when he treats me like the most delicious, fresh-out-of-the-bap-tong-type-of-bap (fresh rice).  And when he tells me "Umma, I love you," I will feel like a piping hot onion soup with a yolk-dripping croque madame and vanilla macarons on the sidewalks of Paris on a cool autumn day. :)

separation : by jean

I'm sitting in a cafe enjoying an iced coffee and a chocolate croissant waiting for 5 o'clock to come around.  Miles is at his new daycare center for 2 hours today before starting full time next week.  It's a weird feeling to be by myself without Miles, waiting for time to go by instead of racing home.

I got a job.  Well, two jobs.  One is a freelance gig that will last for 5 weeks, 4 days a week.  Another is a part time gig that will for now be 1 day a week for the first 5 weeks and then become 2-3 days a week thereafter.  Eventually it will turn into a full time position, which means I will be a legit full-time working mom and no longer be collecting unemployment (read about Amy's experience and about that article!).

I went in for the interviews on Wednesday and got the good news on Thursday that I'd be starting on Monday.  I was so excited but terrified at the same time.  Daycare?  Nanny?  Nanny-share?  Yikes!  I immediately started calling around the daycare centers within a 5 block radius to our apartment.  I had already visited places before so I knew my top choices, but every place was full.  I even called places that were further away and not ideal, but I was desperate.  I started thinking about nanny-shares but knew I didn't really have enough time to set something up right away.  A friend of ours had a nanny that had watched a Miles a few times who was available but she was an expensive option.  I also wanted him to be with other kids so a private nanny wasn't necessarily the best solution for the long term.

I panicked.  I put up a posting on Park Slope Parents, a great resource for parents who live in Park Slope.  Someone (who now is my savior) gave me information about a daycare a little further away.  She told me it wasn't really advertised-- more of a word-of-mouth type of place. "Park Slope's best kept secret" is what she said.  The woman said she didn't have family nearby, so the daycare center became a part of her family.  She even had her daughter stay there for a few nights when she was in labor with her son.  I had to check it out.  When I walked inside, I felt like I was at a relative's house. Park Slope has a lot of home daycare centers where they rent an apartment to run a daycare center, but this was actually someone's home.  I met two other moms while I was there who came to pick up their daughters.  One had her daughter going there since she was 2 months old (and she is now 2 years old).  She said it was the best decision she ever made.  The caretakers were warm and friendly, and the kids were very happy.  The kids got hugs and kisses before they left.  I spoke to 3 moms, and they all used the same word: family.  That was reassuring.

So it's been about an hour since I dropped him off for his 2-hour stint.  I decided to call and check in.  They said he cried a few times but only for a minute and that he's ok right now.  He just prefers to be held at the moment.  I know he's in good hands and that he'll be fine, but man, it's nerve wrecking!  I'm not even nervous about the two new jobs I am starting next week because I'm so nervous about how Miles will be.   My friend says that's called parenting.   I guess I am really a parent.

By the time I publish this post, it will have been Day 3 for Miles at daycare.  Hopefully I will have survived!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update!  Today is Miles' third day at daycare.  I've been calling once a day just to check in.  He's been taking all of his naps, he plays really well, and he has adjusted really quickly so I have nothing to worry about.  I guess he's doing great, but it's been really sad only being able to see him for a couple of hours everyday.  This is constant struggle for working moms (and dads) everywhere. :(

It's been nice to go back to work and interact with adults, but it really sucks only being able to see Miles for a few hours a day  (Did I already say that?  Like just two sentences ago?  Yeah, I know.  It really sucks.)   Does it have to be this way?  Ugh!  Is there a profession where you can really balance work and life better?

Have you heard?  Yahoo! hired their new CEO.  She's 6 months pregnant.  It's a boy.  It'll be interesting to see how she will juggle her new role as a CEO-mom.

In the meantime, how do you moms (and dads) do it?  How do you balance it all?  Are you like me and look through your baby's pics and videos randomly throughout the day?

the baby menu @ 11 months : by amy

So I will admit that before I became a mom, I would look at moms who only fed their kids organic foods with a judgmental eye.  I mean, we all grew up eating non-organic foods and turned out just fine, right?  The only organic foods that I consumed were organic milk and greens (lettuce, spinach, etc.).  Why?  Because organic non-fat milk tastes A LOT better, has a richer texture, and most importantly, has a longer shelf life than non-organic milk.  So, to me, that's totally worth paying the extra $2 for.  Similarly, I ate organic greens b/c I thought they tasted better.  Organic lettuce actually has a stronger and more delicious taste than non-organic lettuce.  Clearly, I was purchasing organic foods for all reasons other than the fact that they're pesticide/hormone-free...until I had a baby who started eating solids.

I started Logan on solids at around 6 months.  We did the whole rice cereal routine, leading to oatmeal, then mult-grain, introducing fruits and vegetables one at a time.  I wanted Logan to try new fruits and veggies every few days, but making my own baby food seemed daunting at the time since I was just getting comfortable with the idea of feeding him solid food.  I also didn't want to make a tray of peas and he would be stuck eating it for the entire week.  And when would I have time to make food anyway??  I hardly cook for myself anymore.  When looking at options, I found myself looking at the organic options.  They weren't that much more expensive than the non-organic options.  The ingredients label also had fewer ingredients which I liked.  Suddenly, I felt very conscientious about what I was about to give Logan.  Was I becoming one of those moms??  I swallowed my pride and said "the hell with it, I'm feeding my kid organic jarred food!"  If it was going to be jarred, it was going to be organic.   I gave him Earth's Best fruits and veggies since they offered a lot of variety and tasted pretty good.  I also tried Gerber's organic foods (which often also include DHA).  But my favorites were Ella's Kitchen varieties.  After Logan became well acquainted with various ingredients, Ella's was great because of their mixed varieties.  They would make combinations that I'd never think of!  Broccoli, Pears & Peas.  Sweet Potatoes, Pumpkins, Apples & Blueberries.  Carrots, Apples & Parsnips.  And, they tasted DELICIOUS.  If Logan ever had any leftovers (which was rare), the husband and I would be sucking the rest of that pouch empty!  I liked how they mixed fruits with vegetables so baby can get a serving of both in one meal.  The only downside was that they were pretty pricey-- on average, about 2 bones/pouch.

OK, so I gave into the organic thing.  But buying Ella's was starting to leave an unsavory taste on my credit card bill.  And looking at jarred chicken/turkey varieties kinda grossed me out.  If I wanted Logan to continue to broaden his palate, I needed to be in control.  My college roomie gave me this book as a baby shower gift:

First Meals by Annabel Karmel, $15 @ Barnes & Noble

The book had some good starter purees and ideas on how to mix different ingredients.  Using the book in addition to seeing what other varieties Ellas and Earth's Best were doing, I decided to copy and invent my own combinations.  Sunday nights are now dedicated to baby food-making.  As of today, Logan is nearly 11 months, so he's doing solids at breakfast, lunch and dinner, which means I make 3 different "meals" for the week.  I try to incorporate a fruit (which he has with his cereal in the morning), a veggie, and a complex starch/protein in his diet every day.  I get organic if it's available but I won't go crazy over it.  I typically steam most of his fruits/veggies, but occasionally will cook it on the pan with some boiling water (per the book).  Essential baby food-making tools are:

Food processor-- this is the one I have.  I like that it has 2 working bowls-- very useful when making multiple meals.

or

Hand immersion blender.  Great for the simple purees.

and

Food storage containers fit for freezing.  These are OXO 2 ounce containers.

I try to make something that the family can also eat and puree/food-process one serving for Logan.  When I do, I just don't season it the way I normally would-- I typically cut down on the salt or not use it at all if I don't need to.  Also, I used to food-process chicken breast, but Logan doesn't seem to like the texture anymore unless it's really pasty (like with "jook"-- Korean style porridge, but I don't have time to make jook!), so now I'm cooking chicken breast separately and shredding it up for him on the side as finger food.  Here is what Logan is eating this week!

Papperdalle Pasta in Tomato Sauce with Broccoli, Mushroom and Onions

Papperdalle is my favorite pasta, but it's also an egg-based pasta so only use it if you know your baby isn't allergic to eggs.  You can use any pasta since it's going in the food processor.  Logan was a little constipated this past week so I wanted to include a little extra fiber, hence the broccoli.  I steamed the broccoli first a bit before cooking it down with the rest of the veggies.  I also cut the steamed broccoli into smaller pieces so it would process more evenly w/the others.  BTW, I only used half a container of mushrooms and roughly chopped them.  This was truly a one-pot meal since mom, dad and baby all ate it tonight! 

Sweet Potatoes with Spinach and Cheese

Sweet potatoes are packed with vitamin A and beta-carotene (good for the eyes!).  Their sweet flavor is liked by most babies and goes well with pretty much any other veggie.  Spinach is like a super-veggie-- iron (very important for babies), vitamins C, K, A to name a few.  I used one whole bin of organic baby spinach and 2 medium sized sweet potatoes.  While everything is hot, I toss into the food processor and add 2 ripped up slices of cheddar cheese.  Let it melt and get incorporated while processing and you just added some calcium and protein to the meal!

Peach and Cantaloupe Puree

I was actually planning on making a peach/blueberry puree since that's what I got at the farmer's market, but today I got a cantaloupe that was so juicy and ripe-- I made a last-minute change.  I usually steam or cook the fruit a bit first to help soften the texture a bit (also, the book only designates meals "freezer friendly" if they are cooked first-- I guess it helps kill bacteria and preserve?).  The last photo shows all of my meals in their little containers before I stick them in the freezer.  I like to keep his menu pretty colorful :)

So yes, I now purchase a few more organic items...I guess I'm sort of one of those moms for now. :-)  But my husband and I still eat whatever!

What are some of your favorite baby food recipes?

sleep, baby, sleep! (part II): by jean

i wasn't a very diligent new mom.   i had skimmed through pregnancy books but not much on what to do when the baby was born.  a part of me was lazier since i knew amy was reading up on a lot of stuff...so i figure i would just ask her and get the cliffnote's version!  (read about how amy sleep trained logan here!)

i love sleep.  i was worried for myself of how little sleep i would get.   miles slept in the bassinet right next to our bed up until he was around 6 weeks old.  we never thought about putting him in our bed since i tend to move around, so i was too nervous that i would squish him.

around 8 weeks he was waking up about 2 times a night:
- go to sleep at 9 pm
- wake up 1 or 2 am, eat, change diaper, fall asleep
- wake up 4 or 5am, eat, change diaper, fall asleep
- wake up 7 or 8 am

at his 2 month check up, i told his doctor what his pattern was like, and she said to start feeding him less when he woke up at night.  at that point, he didn't really need to eat-- he just wanted to be soothed.

because miles didn't latch on very well, i was mainly pumping (i'm a diary queen) and knew he was drinking about 4 oz per feeding so we started to give him 3 oz, than 2 oz, etc.  the first week was brutal.  normally, he pass out once he was almost finished with the bottle, burp while half asleep, and go straight to sleep.  now that we were giving him less, he would cry wanting more.  in the beginning, we gave in and gave him his normal amount just so we could also sleep!

i was motivated to try again so i remember singing and rocking him for almost two hours one night, half asleep with my back feeling like it was going to break.  at this point i had let him cry it out (CIO) to fall asleep on his own a few times but never in the middle of the night.  CIO initially didn't work, and i wasn't ready.  the longest i let him cry was 45 minutes and i felt horrible.  but after about a week of giving him less and rocking him to sleep, he slowly dropped one of his feedings and slept almost 7 hours from 8pm until 3am.  at 9 weeks he slept almost 9 hours straight, 8-4:45am.  at 10 weeks, he slept from 8pm until 6:15am! 10 hours!  hallelujah!  i still remember me and my roommie (husband is roommate for life! i like the sound of it more than husband) waking up and both looking at each other as to who woke up in the middle of the night-- neither of us did b/c miles never woke up!  we felt sooo refreshed being able to sleep through.

since then, miles goes down every night around 7:30pm and sleeps until 7am.  he may wake up around 6 but he tends to play in his crib or fall back asleep so i get to sleep in until 7:30am, sometimes 7:45am!  having him sleep through the night seemed like the best thing ever but having him fall asleep on his own was another hurdle.  every time it was time for him to nap or go down for the night, i had to rock and feed him at the same time, praying that he'll pass out by the time he was done.  he would burp while half asleep and i would gently put him down.   if he was still awake by the time he finished his bottle, then i was in trouble.  it was so tiring doing this EVERY time.

miles was now almost 4 months.  i decided it was time to really let him CIO.  amy was over during the day once and saw me struggling to get him to go to sleep.  having amy with me made me feel a little more encouraged to try CIO again, so i did.  even with her being around, 5 minutes felt like 50!  but after she left i knew this had to change.  the next day i started with his first nap.  she had mentioned it would be the easiest to start.  miles normally took his first nap around 8:45-9am.  i put him down and walked away. he cried for about 20 minutes and fell asleep--i guess that wasn't too bad.  he slept in the stroller for the rest of his naps that day.  but that night, i told my roommie that we HAD to try this again.  we made sure to give him a bath that night, closed the door and ate our dinner watching the monitor.  we told ourselves, if he still cries after an hour, we will stop.  thank goodness, after the longest 40 minutes ever, he passed out. 

ever since then, miles falls asleep by himself for his naps without any crying.  he may fuss a bit but as soon as i put him down, he'll go to his position, on his tummy with his 3rd and 4th fingers in his mouth, and pass out.  night time sleep is another story:  there are times when he's totally fine, but other times will cry for 15-20 minutes.  i don't know why some days he's fine and others he's not.  i thought maybe if he didn't nap well, that's why he was crying but even if he took all 3 naps and was good all day, it didn't matter.  it'll always be a mystery why they cry so much at night.  why can't they just tell us?? :p  in any case, it's SO liberating being able to put him down and walk away because i know he'll be ok and wake up with a big smile.

miles awake with a big smile!

these are a few of our favorite (0-3 month) things~

The baby market can be very overwhelming.  The big box baby stores have thousands of options, but what do you really end up using?  The need-to-have list may vary depending on where you're living (city vs. suburb), but here are our top 10 favorite and need-to-have items for the baby's first 3 months (excluding diapers and wipes):

1. Bibs: Green Sprouts waterproof bibs are our favorites.  They have a waterproof inner layer so even after all of the drool/spit up/milk spillage, baby's clothes still stay dry!  They also come in lots of pretty shades for boy or girl.  Definitely stock up on bibs!  You can never have too many.

2. Bottle drying rack: You can wash bottle parts in the dishwasher but neither of us run the dishwasher too frequently so we hand-wash everything.  We both have the Grass Countertop Drying Rack by Boon which is functional, cute and easy to clean.   You can dry pretty much anything on it, though it's particularly useful for pump parts and things that don't hang (spoons, toothbrush, dropper, pacis, teething toys, etc.).  While it's great,  it is a little small, so Jean got this cute Twig Accessory you insert into the grass to create more hanging space (thanks for the tip, Mira!).  Amy got the Beaba drying rack in addition to the grass which holds a ton of bottles/cups/nipples.  Jean also has the Skip Hop rack which also does the trick!  Lots of good options to choose from here.

3. First aid kit: This First Aid Kit by the American Red Cross is great-- it has nail clippers, mini emory boards, various brushes (for his tongue, his head/hair in case he has cradle cap), nasal aspirator, comb, syringe/dropper for medicine, etc.  The only thing that sucks about this kit is the nasal aspirator/bulb syringe-- it is super stiff and doesn't get anything out!  Don't even bother with the bulb syringe, instead get a...

4.  Snotsucker!: We both love the Nosefrida snotsucker. We've gotta give it to the Swedes for inventing such a powerfully effective yet simple device.  When baby is congested, you will do just about anything to help him breathe better-- yes, even sucking out the junk straight out of his tiny nostrils!  The idea of sucking your kid's snot makes you cringe, but fear not!  The Swedes have made it possible for you to do it in a hygienic way.  We find it to be most effective if you spray a little saline spray in each nostril first, wait a few seconds, place the Nosefrida and take multiple, quick, deep sucks to loosen and ultimately suck those suckers out!

5. Diaper rash cream: Triple Paste is HANDS DOWN, the BEST diaper rash cream.  When Logan started having solids, he had bad diarrhea which resulted in the WORST diaper rash.  Anything but air would make it sting.  After a few days of trying various diaper creams, Amy discovered Triple Paste.  After 12 hours, the rash was practically gone!!  Butt Paste, California Baby Diaper Cream, A&D, Desitin all work just fine for day-to-day preventative use, but when you need immediate relief, nothing beats Triple Paste.  Don't have a baby without it.

6. Boppy (nursing pillow): Some people may not think the Boppy is a necessity, but the Boppy is great for both mom and baby!  Amy used it whenever she was breastfeeding, which is what it's typically used for.  Since Jean pumped, she didn't use it much for feeding but more for Miles to lounge on.  When he learned to sit up, it was great to put it around him to catch him if he fell over.  Jean also used it as the cushion for her bottom during the first few weeks when it is extra sensitive down there.  Amy used it when she passed out on the floor from pure exhaustion :).  If you decide to get it, get an extra cover so you can wash one while using the other.  

7. Sleep sacks: If you have an active baby, he will eventually kick off his swaddled blanket no matter how tightly you swaddle him.  The Halo SleepSacks have been great at keeping the babies snug as a bug.  Make sure to get the ones w/the "wings", which are swaddle sleepsacks, not just plain sleepsacks.  It's the wings that keep the swaddle in place (for the most part).  The wings are also detachable so once your baby grows out of the swaddle altogether, you can use them as just plain sleepsacks, so it’s like getting 2 for 1!  They come in regular cotton and fleece material. 

8. Swaddling blanket: We are suckers for sophisticated designs for babies.  We LOVE Aden & Anais products, specifically their swaddling blankets!  Their super-cute and oh-so-soft and stretchy muslin blankets are perfect for swaddling, summer stroller rides and just plain snuggling.  Stash one in your diaper bag or stroller whenever you leave the house!  Did we mention that they're also very cute?? 

9. Baby carrier: Go hands free by getting a baby carrier.  There are lots of carriers out there, but our favorites are the Lillebaby (what Amy uses) and the Baby Bjorn (what Jean uses).  Both carriers are strong and offer good shoulder support.  The Lillebaby allows you to hold the baby (up to 40 pounds) in 6 different positions while still being soft enough to stuff into your diaper bag.  The Baby Bjorn is super stylish and very easy to put on and off.  Baby carriers are an absolute must for the city mamas!  We weren't huge fans of the Moby Wrap because though it was very comfortable, it wasn't always the easiest to put on/off.  They also didn't feel very supportive when the babies got bigger.  Their website has tutorials on how to use/wear the wrap-- that's already a sign that this is too complicated than it needs to be.

10. Burp cloths: These cloths are not limited to just burping!  Use them to clean up random and excessive spit up, lay it down before diapering, cover him when diapering (so you don't get peed in the face), dry him down after using wipes (helps prevent diaper rash), clean up the spilled milk, etc.  While we typically like stylish and cute items, burp cloths really don't need to be since they're cleaning up all types of gross things :-).  You'll definitely want to have a healthy stash of these.  We recommend the not-so-fancy-but-gets-the-job-done Dundee Mills burp cloths.


What were/are some of your need-to-have items for the first few months??

the life of a dairy queen : by jean

my mom told me when i got pregnant that i would not have to worry about having enough milk, but that i would most likely have too much.  it must be genetic because she was right.  i had so much milk from early on!  however, miles never latched on well so his doctor encouraged me to bottle feed him since he needed to gain weight his first weeks at home.  

i was a bit bummed.  i wanted to be able to nurse him like how most moms do.  why wouldn't he take my boob!  i tried going to a lactation consultant, used nipple shields...in the end he just ate so well with the bottle that i didn't want to irritate him.  

so began the life of a dairy queen.  at first, i was pumping as much as miles was feeding.  6-8 pumps a day for about 20 minutes each.  it was tiring but that's what i was told, that i had to pump as if i was nursing so my milk would come in and regulate.  i tried to pass time by either texting with amy, playing games on my phone, or going on kellymom.com to get ALL the information about breastfeeding etc.

this is how my pump life as evolved.

month 1: 6-8 pumps/day; ~4oz/pump;  total ~32oz 20 minutes

month 2: 5-6pumps/day; ~8oz/pump;  total ~40oz  20 minutes

month 3: 4 pumps/day; ~9oz/pump; total ~40+oz   15 minutes

month 4: 3 pumps/day; ~12oz/pump; total ~36+oz 15 minutes

my average after the 1st month has been about 40oz/day.  this is why amy started calling me a dairy queen.  you would think, once you pump less your amount decreases right?  that's what they say...but not me!  my total amount either stayed the same or i had more!  the most i ever pumped out that i have written out is 46oz a day, the most i ever pumped out in one pump session was 16.5oz.  i had to change out the bottles that i was pumping into because it started to overflow.  oye.

a few times when i was switching to lesser pumps a day, i got clogged ducts.  how do you know?  there is a tender spot that hurts when you touch and its rock hard.  i found the best way to relieve these clogged ducts was to massage really well when you are taking a hot shower, as well as massaging as your are pumping. 

pumping only 3 times a day has given me so much more freedom.  the first few months when i was pumping more frequently, it was so hard to go anywhere!  even if i was going out for a walk with miles, i think about what time i would need to be back, and once i'm back if i can distract miles for 15 minutes or if he would have to be fed or be taking a nap.  soo many things to figure out!  

i feel incredibly blessed that i am able to give miles breastmilk even though he never really latched on.  back in the day, they didn't have pumps or any milk storage system so all this liquid gold would go to waste!  but not now!

since i produce more than how much miles consumes each day, my freezer is packed with frozen breastmilk.  early on, i realized that i needed to start cycling out my frozen milk since it was starting to take over my freezer.  so everyday, i put in the freezer 2-3 6oz milk bags and take out the oldest 2 frozen bags each day to mix into miles's bottles.  below are pictures of my freezer.  each ziploc bag contains about 14-6oz bags.  on the bottom near where the ice cubes are my oldest bags that i take out each day.  on the side door are the ones i'm currently freezing. i really like the lansinoh milk storage bags.  they are very space efficient.  currently there's about 8 bags in there with another bag about to form on the side door plus about 10 that i took out of the bags that i currently use. that's roughly about 130 milk bags, that's about 780 oz of breastmilk!  that kind of sounds gross and amazing.  it all came out of me!  ah!

14-6oz bags per ziploc bag. currently about 8 bags in there.

newest milk that i freeze on the side and then eventually put in ziploc bags

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to show off...ok maybe a little.  only because its just ridiculous how much comes out!  but even though  i've had tons of milk, i never got to have that joy with nursing.  nursing was such a traumatizing experience for the both of us.  i really wanted to nurse.  it would make it so much easier than constantly pumping, making bottles, cleaning parts etc etc.  i even went to a lactation specialist at his doctor's office.  she said miles was a "lazy sucker" (lol)!  in order to get him to latch on properly, it would take some work...but that he CAN do it.  she suggested trying the nipple shield.  the nipple shield worked sometimes, but other times because so much milk was coming out miles would literally choke since he couldn't control the flow.  so he's freaking out, breastmilk is spilling everywhere...it was not fun.

so there i was, just milking away like a human cow.  on the days when miles wasn't having a particularly good day, or the weather wasn't good and we've been stuck at home, pumping made me feel very defeated.  i wasn't depressed, but very much defeated.  here i was using a machine to squeeze out breastmilk because my son wouldn't take my boob.  what would i do if pumps weren't around?!  i felt like a robot, constantly having to plug myself onto it.

i've been doing this for so long now that i'm immune to it all.  i have embraced being a diary queen.  i still don't like doing it, but these are the sacrifices we all have to make. right?

the big question now is...when do i stop?  i seem to have about a month's supply of frozen milk.  a part of me is thinking maybe end of this month when miles is 6 months?  maybe a birthday present to myself?  stay tuned!  

the things they don't talk about : by amy

warning: parts of this entry may be TMI for some readers.  read at your own risk.

There are a lot of things about pregnancy and birth that people just don't seem to talk about.  You only find out that these things are quite common after you start going through them yourself.  For example, I think at least 50% of women at my church have had at least one miscarriage.  Not just one, but AT LEAST one.  Turns out, trying to have a baby can be harder than it sounds from health class.  Yes, you can mechanically get the job done up front (or...wherever), but there is a timing element and then so many stages to go through before you're actually clinically pregnant.  

 
My OBGYN's office didn't even let me book an appointment until I was at least 4 weeks along b/c many times, the case can be a "chemical pregnancy," which is when you have a very early miscarriage.  You could have a positive pregnancy test b/c the test was able to detect the hormone levels that occurred when you conceived, but in reality, you've already miscarried.  I'm thankful that conception and delivering went pretty much according to plan for me.   

Another thing no one told me about was the recovery process.

The day I came home from the hospital, I put frozen dumplings on my swollen feet

I knew it took an extra few weeks to recover from a C-section which seemed obvious.  I had a vaginal birth and figured it would take maybe 2-3 weeks to heal since there was no major surgery involved.  I also walked out of the hospital gaining more than I did when I first walked in to give birth (and I gained nearly 40 pounds throughout my pregnancy)!  Due to the epidural/IVs, I had a LOT of fluid to lose, which meant lots of bathroom breaks (btw, do your kegels!!  Or you'll be hitting the head every hour!), but the act of sitting down was oh-so-painful!  I didn't know I was going to have to wear an ice pack down THERE with a super-thick-diaper-like-pad held in place with stretchy, mesh panties everyday.  I don't think I wore regular underwear for the first month.  I didn't know going to the bathroom would require a 4-step process: rinse, dab, spray antiseptic, replace hazel witch pads.  What the hell were hazel witch pads??  They sounded evil (but they're not.  They actually feel quite nice :)).  I didn't know that I'd probably have to sit on a donut most of the time (I had a 1st degree tear) and be sitting in a warm sitz bath over the toilet every night.  Why didn't anyone tell me these things??  Well, now YOU know.  This is what happens when something the size of a watermelon comes out of something the size of a lemon.

Lastly, the baby blues, aka post-partum depression (PPD): 

I thought I'd be the last person on earth to get PPD.  I'm usually a pretty upbeat and happy person-- Jean almost didn't want to be my friend b/c I supposedly smiled too much (yes, she really thought that!).  But after a day or two of being home from the hospital, I started to feel...depressed.  Burdened.  Sad.  I would cry for no real reason at all.  Sometimes the mere fleeting thought of my husband having to go to work the next day instantaneously brought tears to my eyes, leading to uncontrollable sobbing.  Nursing was excruciatingly painful the first couple of weeks while Logan learned to latch.  When my milk supply didn't seem to satisfy Logan, I felt like I wasn't meant to be a mother.  Everything just felt like it was too much for me to deal with.  I didn't want to see friends-- only my husband.  I didn't want him to return to work and leave me home alone for 10 hours with this "thing" that I was now responsible for.  Even my favorite foods and hobbies didn't interest me anymore.  All I wanted to do was sleep and veg, neither of which I had time to do.  It didn't make things better when my husband would say things like, "Don't tell me YOU have post-partum depression..."  So then, I didn't want to talk about it because he would look at me with that "oh my God, you're not DEPRESSED, are you??" look on his face.  I would tell myself, "I sort of miss my pre-baby life.  Gosh, I must be really that selfish.  I'm a horrible mother for feeling this way.  I should be overjoyed and experiencing an amazing, loving bond with my baby like everyone else.  What's wrong with me?"

So in order to get me out of my rut, I started tagging along with my husband when he went to class in NYC.  We ate at the Wholefoods and I walked around the neighborhood, got cupcakes at Billy's, or hung out at the Starbucks until my husband finished.  Nursing in public was a bit of a struggle but I eventually got the hang of it.  I looked forward to these days every week because we were (mostly) together as a family.   I felt a bit like my old self again wandering the streets, window shopping and munching on treats while wearing the baby in the carrier.

After about 2 months, the clouds finally broke for good.  My confidence as a mother grew and I started to experience that loving bond that people talked about.  Our 6am nursing session became one of my favorite times of the day.  I think my case of the baby blues was generally mild-- I never felt a desire to hurt my baby or myself.  When I shared my feelings with other veteran moms, I had realized that lots of moms experienced some type of baby blues, but no one seemed to talk much about it.  Meanwhile, here I am thinking, "Well no one else is talking about it, so I guess I'm the odd ball."

Well, I admit I still am generally a bit odd, but who isn't??  :-)